Always Been You

They were at Jonathan and Kate’s wedding.

Katherine sat very still in her chair with her hands folded tightly in her lap. Enough. Done. She was simply not going to think about it-about Jensen-anymore.

The wedding mass was in English and the priest was concluding the homily drawn from scripture on the subject of Christian marriage. Katherine stared resolutely forward, trying to focus on the words. On the spare beauty of this little Catholic church, where her brother was getting married to his beautiful bride.

She tried to focus on the couple… And not on the handsome best man standing there.

The white frame church of the immaculate conception was simple and charming, as white inside as out. It smelled of candle wax and lemon furniture polish, with a faint echo of damp outerwear and old incense. The worn pews were of oak and all of them were full.

What mattered was Jon.

Sweet, dignified, big hearted Jon. Standing at the plain altar before the communion rail with his beautiful bride.

“All rise,” said the priest.

Katherine stood up with everyone else. The priest made a little speech about the rite of marriage and proceeded to question both the brides and the grooms about their intentions-their freedom of choice and faithfulness, their willingness to accept God’s great gift of children.

And Katherine couldn’t help it. Her mind relentlessly circled back to the subject of Jensen. It just made no sense, she kept thinking. He obviously wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since Tim’s birthday. And it was all her fault. She told him that was what she wanted… And he had granted her wish.

At the altar, the ceremony had progressed to the exchange of vows. Katherine stood a little straighter and tried to concentrate on the beautiful, familiar words.

“I, Jonathan, take you, Kate, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward…”

Katherine knew she was making too much of this. She should just… let it go. Let it be. Jensen wasn’t bothering her any more. He was all about duty and keeping to his “place,” at the altar and minding his business. He’d hardly spoken three words to her since they arrived at the church.

Katherine released a slow sigh. It would be all right. She smiled a little, watching her brother. Kate was saying her vows now, her eyes only for her groom, her fine boned face seeming to glow from within. “I, Kate, take you, Jonathan…”

Yes. Truly. It was going to be okay. Katherine reminded herself. She would simply ignore him… How hard could that be?

———————–

Really hard.

It was hard to ignore him. Harder by the hour, by the minute. By the second, for heaven’s sake.

She did try to ignore him, something so easily done with any other man. She tried so very hard not to turn her head his way, not to look at him.

But it was no good. He seemed to be everywhere-and nowhere-at once. And she needed so strongly to pick him out of the crowd, to pin him in space, to know for certain where, exactly, he was.

Katherine ached from the tension of waiting for Jensen to make some move on her. She couldn’t bring herself to accept that he wasn’t going to, yet how else could she explain the distance he had kept from her for the past weeks.

He was with his sister, she kept telling herself, but surely no sister expected her brother to give her his exclusive attention. And Elaine had a date too.

Besides, it hadn’t been entirely exclusive. After the wedding ceremony, there’d been a photo session outside the church. After that, Jensen had headed straight for the just married couple, shook Jonathan’s hand, kissed the bride, a dazzling smile accompanying his congratulations, but the smile hadn’t been turned on Katherine. He hadn’t even looked at her. She watched him talk with some other guys… Watched all of them chuckle.

And Katherine was left turning, lurching away. Stunned. Stricken, that Jensen could be almost friendly with everyone while behaving like a stranger around her.

With her heart turning over with disappointment, she’d watched him go to her parents and chat to them, then move to the side of a very stylish young woman.

Katherine didn’t know what to think of her worries about Jensen and his attitude. This was what she had wanted right? Then why did it bother her so much?

Maybe Jensen, she had argued to herself, was probably waiting until she had some time to herself. Not that she was busy. She wasn’t even one of the bridesmaids.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

There’d been another much longer session with the photographer in the lovely garden setting at the house where the reception had been booked. The two storeyed home had wonderful verandas, their supporting columns skirted by ornate white lace iron work.

Guests had been invited onto the upper veranda to watch all the formal posing in the garden while they were served cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.

Several times Katherine had felt Jensen’s gaze burning into her, but when she’d glanced up at the on looking crowd, his attention was not focused on her at all.

He took pictures with everyone but laughingly declined posing for one with Katherine. And then he was gone again, leaving Katherine with the feeling he was avoiding any contact with her.

She hadn’t chased him, hadn’t made a nuisance of herself. Had he guessed she had feelings for him? Did he fear she would chase him now? Make some kind of scene he’d hate? She knew how Jensen was with commitments.

Or… her stomach cramped at the thought… had he met some other woman he wanted to keep? Maybe that beautiful lady she had seen him with. Jensen was really good with women. It would explain why he’d refused to be linked to her in a photograph.

The torment of not knowing what he was thinking plagued her all through the reception dinner. Despite his stopping by her table a couple of times to chat with some guests, Jensen didn’t once switch his attention to her.

The only evidence that he hadn’t completely forgotten about her and the intimate moments with her was the one long sizzling look outside the church when they first saw each other that morning, and that certainly wasn’t being repeated.