Always Been You

Suddenly, the afternoon had become more torpid than before. Even the insects had ceased their droning buzz. The air was too muggy to inhale. Katherine became aware of her clothing, and every place that it clung damply to her skin. Her hair felt heavy and hot against her neck.

A butter colored sun beat down on the earth, which released its heat in rising shimmers. It was like being in a perfumed sauna-only they weren’t naked.

She became very conscious of how close to her Jensen was standing, how near her shoulders were to his hips. Mere inches separated their hands on the rope.

His scent mingled with myriad others, but she could distinguish it.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she said.

“It’s fine,” he said. He lowered his hands and moved away from the swing, keeping his broad back to her.

“I have to go now. I will go say goodbye to Tim”.

————————

“Mom” Tim said as Katherine tucked him into bed that night after his birthday party.

“Yes, sweetie,” Katherine replied as she covered him with his favorite blanket.

“Thank you so much for the best birthday ever”. He said smiling.

Katherine smiled back at him. He was so cute. Sometimes she couldn’t believe that one day he would grow so big…. That one day, he wouldn’t need her so much. He would always be her darling little boy. She kissed his forehead.

“You are welcome, baby” she said as she played with his dark curls. “You have always been a good boy and you deserve it.”

“I really like my new bike, mom,” Tim said.

“Well, I saw that you needed a new one. Did you thank everyone for the awesome gifts you got today?” she asked.

“Yeah. They were all wonderful. You know Jensen got me a very cool video game”.

Katherine smiled. “Really. That’s nice” she said, then she added. “I didn’t even know you invited him”

“Well, you said I could invite all my friends. And he’s my friend” Tim said. “I saw him when I came to the store after school one day so I gave him a card. Didn’t you want me to invite him?”.

“Oh no honey. I’m glad you invited everyone you wanted, baby” Katherine said.All rights © NôvelDrama.Org.

“Are you scared of Jensen, mom?” Tim asked suddenly and Kathrine looked at him, surprise written all over her face.

“No I’m not,” she said. “Why did you ask that, sweetie?”

“Nothing,” Tim said, shaking his head. “I don’t really know. I just …. I think he is really cool, mom. And he’s your friend too, right?” he asked, looking at her with his beautiful eyes.

“Yeah he’s my friend” Katherine replied, wondering where those questions were coming from.

“And you like him?” he asked innocently.

Katherine hesitated. She liked him all right. She nodded.

“I think Jensen likes you too, Mom,” he said finally. Then he turned and lay on his side. “Good night, mom,” he said sleepily.

Katherine kissed him on his cheek. “Good night, baby”.

She went back to her room wondering if Jensen said something to Tim. She was sure he didn’t. Tim could be funny like that sometimes. Was Jensen really just her friend? She asked herself. Of course he was, she answered her own question as she went to the bathroom.

But did she usually kiss all her friends? Did she feel like her heart was sinking into her stomach every time she saw her friends? Because it certainly did every time she saw Jensen. She knew she had feelings for him. She could admit that to herself now. But did he feel the same way or was he just being the Jensen she had always known.

——————–

He didn’t need this crap.

Such was Jensen’s mood as he wheeled his car into his driveway that evening and turned off the engine. Apparently, Rufus was on another canine excursion. He wasn’t there to greet him. It was just as well, Jensen acknowledged as he let himself in. He wasn’t fit company right now, even for a dog.

When he got inside, he switched on the air conditioning unit and stood in front of the icy blast of air as he peeled off his shirt and unfastened his jeans. He lay his forearms flat against the wall above the air conditioner and rested his forehead on them.

The air blew against his damp skin and stirred the pelt of hair on his torso.

He couldn’t understand Katherine. One minute she was kissing him and all over him and the next she was pushing him away. He loved her. He had never stopped loving her. He realized. And he wanted her. So bad that it hurt, but he didn’t want to make her do anything unless she wanted to. He wanted her to want him as much as he wanted her. He wanted her to trust him.

He had been a fool to let her go the first time. He couldn’t make that same mistake again. But how was he supposed to get through to her? How was he going to make her trust him and open up to him? How was he going to convince her that he wasn’t going to hurt her again?

The first time he had kissed her when she returned, he had meant to teach her a lesson. To show her that he was every bit as good as his reputation maintained. Maybe punish her for leaving in the first place. Even more, to turn the tables and remind her that she still wanted him…

She always had.

But while she always responded as if she still did, she managed to act like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it was just a physical attraction between.

He loved that she was attracted to him. But he wanted more now.

He adjusted the thermostat and went into his bedroom. He removed his boots, stepped out of his shirt, jeans and underwear and went to take a shower. Minutes later he slid naked between the sheets of his bed. He stacked his hands beneath his head and stared at the ceiling.

The questions in his head were still there, bugging him and refusing to go away. Maybe he should just try to get over her once and for all. He had tried that by staying away from her for almost a week and all it had taken was a few minutes with her and he was back to square one.

“Stop thinking about this” he muttered into the darkness. You don’t have to care so much. He reminded himself. You are not her shrink or her lover. Maybe not even a would be lover… According to what she had told him that day at Tim’s game.

But still, Jensen lay awake for hours, thinking about opening Katherine’s heart and banishing her fears.