Always Been You

Katherine felt her heart sink. She couldn’t believe it. She had made a fool of herself again. She had given herself to him and he had turned her down… again. She really needed to get her brains checked. How she managed to get turned down twice by the same guy, she couldn’t understand.

Panic gripped her and pumped her heart faster. She fought to get a grip on the emotion pushing and pulling inside her. She found her dress and hastily fixed her clothes.

But it was fine. She thought. There would be no falling apart, no moping around, no feeling her heart shatter into a million pieces because her heart was not -repeat not -involved. She was going to handle the situation like a mature adult. Get herself together.

When she was reasonably decent, she exhaled. No need to embarrass herself any further. She started for her bedroom door, but he moved so swiftly that she didn’t even manage to take more than a step towards freedom.

“Wait, Kat,” he said.

“Get out of my way” Katherine said. She felt her voice crack and she tried to move away from him again. He didn’t let her.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Look, you don’t have to say anything. I just want you to listen” he said.

“I don’t want to,” she replied. “Get out of my way. Get out of my house”

“I’m not leaving till you listen to me.” he said grimly, propelling her against the wall and trapping her there with his arms.

It reminded her of the past few minutes and she felt tears threaten again.

“What is it?” she asked. “Did you just kiss me to humiliate me? To prove some sick point?”

Jensen shoved his fingers through hair she had gloriously disheveled, his eyes still a touch wild as they roved over her. What the hell was she talking about? He asked himself.

“You have got what you wanted,” Katherine continued. “You can sleep soundly tonight knowing you have proved whatever point you wanted to prove. Let that be enough for now. It’s fine, I have no one but myself to blame for this”.

“I wasn’t trying to prove anything of the sort, Kat. Believe me. You have no idea just how much I want to make love to you. So much that it hurts. But it’s not the right time. I don’t want this to be a spur of the moment thing. And you have been drinking. I want it to be something amazing. I don’t want you to think about this later and regret it. I just want it to be right… For you.”

“It doesn’t matter now, Jensen. Just let me go”. Katherine said.

He released her then, but he still stood right in front of her. “What if I just want my friend back?” he asked. “I miss you”.

He stared at her in that unique way that always made her skin feel tight and raw and exposed. That way that said he saw and knew much more about her than he should. But while in the past she would have dropped her gaze, mumbled something along the lines of never mind or whatever, this time she met his gaze full on. But she said nothing.

“Have dinner with me, Kat.” he said. “Please, after Tim’s game. You can pick the day. There’s still a lot of tension between us and I want us to fix that. I want to do this right this time.”

“I have to go to bed, Jensen. You should leave. You have already stayed too long.” She said,

“Fine” he said as he moved away so she could walk to her bedroom. “But we are not done, Kat. And I’m not giving up”

———–

Showered and dressed, Katherine felt much better. It had been a long day at work. And she had to come to the park for Tim’s game.

The full length mirror reflected the thin straps supporting the red and white striped knit top. The blue shorts were brief, age flattering to her long legs. A pair of treasured, worn sandals completed her outfit.

She tamed the last willful tendril at the nape of her neck and checked the single clip that bound her hair atop her head in a loosely twisted knot.

She glanced again at the reflection of her oval face, framed by wisps of curling hair and selected a seductive perfume then swirled the spray over her body. A sweep of mascara lengthened her lashes, emphasizing her luminous green eyes. She grinned at the mirror.

“That looks good, old girl,” she said to herself.

She added a dark blusher beneath her cheek bones, and called, “I’m ready, Tim. Come on, let’s go”

Sprawled on the living room floor in front of the TV, Tim answered, “I’m ready, mom. Jensen is also coming, right?”

“Yeah, sure he is, ” she replied, rolling her eyes. She was tired of all this talk about Jensen. It wasn’t helping her at all in her quest to not think about him.

She had done her best to avoid Jensen since that night after the party. He and Jon had been helping Tim and his team practice and he had promised to come watch Tim play so she didn’t think she was going to be able to avoid him much longer.

“Come on, Tim,” Katherine said as she emerged from her bedroom. “Let’s go”

The park lay in a grove of huge trees. Their shadows swept across the manicured field with its line marked baseball diamond. This evening, the soft breeze smelled of barbecues and freshly mowed lawns. Holding a glass of lemonade carefully in one hand and swinging her canvas bag in the other, Katherine walked to the bleachers while Tim joined his teammates.

“Have fun, honey” Katherine yelled as he went.

“I will,” he yelled back.

She sat on the metal bleachers, breathed the evening air appreciatively, and sipped her drink. Other parents were there, engrossed in gossip and periodically checking their smaller children in the playground next to the field.

“Hello, you” Claire Bennet slid next to her.

Claire had two sons, one of them played on Tim’s team. Dressed in cutoffs and a blue polka dot blouse knotted under her breasts, her blond hair carefully swept back, Claire presented an earthy picture. She and Katherine had known each other when they were kids, though they weren’t so close. They had gone to the same school too. Now Claire worked as a real estate secretary.