WHAT BILLIONAIRES TASTE LIKE

“Nku is our man. He will consider us.” He tried to convince himself inwardly, knitting his brows at Agu, who just walked in, looking bored and drawn. He handed the cheque over to Azuaka Jnr. and went in to bring out a tray containing two bottles of beer and a pack of cigarette.

“That asshole will earn my punch anytime; that very stupid lawyer.” He uncorked his beer and slid out a cigarette.

“I sensed a kooky in him. But never mind,” Azuaka Jnr. slid out his cigarette and a glow from the lighter caught its butt. He drew and puffed like a true Texas street boy; smoke spiraled through his nostrils as he said figuratively, “With seven point five you are inches away from white house.”

“I am nervous,” Agu muttered and sipped at his beer, staring in the space with the cigarette burning away between his fingers, smoking not really appealing to him.

“Why?” asked Azuaka Jnr., searching into Agu’s tetchy face. He stopped puffing and drinking to lock eyes with him.

Agu cleared his throat. “Nku makes it to California tomorrow’s night.”

“Yes, yes.”

“I just sold my only inheritance.”

“And I stole my father’s gratuity, a disguised inheritance too, so?” said Azuaka Jnr. and his cigarette came between his thick lips; his eyes dimmed; he was already drawing as much smoke as he could.

“Are you sure we are going to make it? Do you believe in this project? I mean I have been happy all this while until those two men bought my inheritance, coming to take over in two days.”

Azuaka Jnr. sipped and puffed on, shielding his outburst and he said, “Sometimes I doubt the project too. I always doubt its impossibility. But I don’t want to be feckless. It is possible to create software that can siphon money from any bank account within five seconds. Besides Nku is an ICT genius now; whenever I remember that, all I see pessimism, money, wealth, possibility.”

Azuaka Jnr. chuckled. He knew Agu as much as Nku. They had been cronies way back on campus and Agu was an experimental, fearful, capricious fellow whose only possibility of life’s events was result.

“The night before I stole my father’s gratuity,” he continued, “I spoke with Nku. He said everything was working as planned. He only emphasized on our individual contribution which will be transferred to the software financiers. He has spent three years in New York for this project, remember and he’s a software guru now. We will make it.”

“Yes, in less than three months we will be stealing from bank accounts of people, banks all over the world. The software will help us steal and render the world broke. I know all that, my man.” He puffed his cigarette to the butt and squashed it under his sneakers.

“So why are you nervous then?” he handed the cheque to Agu and uncorked another beer; It frothed over and some dropped on the floor.

“Our money isn’t yet complete. Is he going to take that excuse from us?”

“We will reason together. We will explain things to him. It has never been easy for any of us. He will be considerate. We are safe, son of man. Hope you’re not nervous anymore?”

“Come on, a normal American dude would do same isn’t it?” he mumbled and his smile came from an unsatisfied, fearful soul.

“Believe it, we are rendering the world broke, do you understand me?” He looked sternly at Agu, wishing he would come off that dizzy atmosphere of his, wanting to bring on his mind the possibility of making it happen. He knew Agu had thorny mindsets and he went on to encourage him with the uncertainty he faced in Texas;

“My dad and his five million dollars, hmm!” he chortled, clicking his fingers, and continued. “I didn’t see myself stealing that money from him. I am not boastful but I want you to know the possibility of making this software happen. If I could do that then Monkeys’ software is possible.” He shook his crew-cut head.

“The world is in trouble,” Agu said, looking cheery now. He started smoking at ease. He said after gulping his beer, “Seven years of joblessness needs anything more,” said Agu.

“Yes bro, I believe you,” replied Azuaka Jnr. and his toothy smile came from his mind; it seemed something remarkable crossed it. “And when I thought it was over, the maddening one happened. Didn’t I tell you how I applied at the ministry and waited for one year endless recruitment? One morning I went out to buy doughnut only to see the doughnut seller dishing me doughnut with my CV papers, the same CV I used to apply at the ministry.”

Agu laughed, swaying within his chair and then coughed.

“Is not funny, Agu.”

“And I could remember asking you if that very doughnut was sweeter than ever. Do you know your experience discouraged me from applying further, although I was faced with one of the ministry workers who demanded a three-hundred-thousand dollars bribe if I must get the job? I had to keep to my taxi driving even when I got little from it. Now I need money to rain. If it wants to rain let it rain and not drop.”

“Yes, we need that now. This is our heyday.” Azuaka Jnr. cheered, pushing the bottle against the air.

Agu gazed upon the cheque and thought of his homelessness thudded in his head. “We are homeless,” he said with arms widespread, showing Azuaka Jnr. what remained of them.

Azuaka Jnr. puffed hugely this time around and smoke clouded his face. The smoke was disappearing behind his head when he asked, “Are we really homeless when my girlfriend is somewhere around town?”

“Who could that be?” His eyeballs rolled before he said, “Opula I guess.”

He shook his head.

“Pretty Opula. I can’t wait to see her again. Hmm… love on campus, boy,” Agu shook hands with him.

“Hey, come on, back then I was her assignment and exam boyfriend.” He tittered.

“Save your honesty, AZ. She must be a big girl now.” He guzzled his beer and reached out to another.

“She works at a factory. We will meet with Nku before squatting with her.” He stared at the cheque in Agu’s hand and a strange thought crossed his mind. “I think that cheque will be useful.” He smacked his lips at the cheque.

Agu blinked at the cheque and seemed unable to see into the mystery of his words. Among them, Azuaka Jnr. was the only buffer whose canny thinking had clinched them success in the grey days on campus. In everything he saw good or evil and would always blare his warning or opinion.

Agu asked, “How do you mean?” He had always asked that question whenever Azuaka Jnr. confronted with his foresight.

“After launching the software we will be hunting for account numbers, right?”

“Yes, yes.” He was wondering, “Ok, OK,” Agu seemed to have understood now. He shook his galaxy-hair style.

“We will first launch into his bank account and steal as much as we can. Isn’t he a rich, influential Mexican man?”

They stood up almost at once, shook hands and hugged each other with an indispensable excitement hanging over them. They slumped back in their chairs.

“You know that buyer is a big cockroach,” Agu intoned.

“One that skipped larva,” Azuaka Jnr. added and they laughed. “We will make it,” Agu said, lifting his half drunken beer.

“Yes of course,” Azuaka Jnr. said and then hammered, “Monkeys software!”

“The world is in our pockets!” Agu responded and their bottles clicked as they toasted to it. A toasty silence hung over them while they smoked on and reasoned within themselves.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

I rather die than lose out of this Monkeys’ software, Azuaka Jnr. thought. I am made, yes, I am. I have come a long way, a long way from my father’s gratuity. I wonder what would become of the old man now. I am sorry, father. Monkeys’ software will make it up to you. I will make it up to you when I become rich.

***

Hmm, if it is not working out show me a sign, Lord, Agu came with his thought. All my inheritance is deeply involved, Lord. Please, God, don’t fail Agu, your street son. I just need more money. Let the world be in my pocket now and the declining days of my life.

The whistling cold wind of winter outside took over their thought.

The software loomed on…