Unforgiven Sins

Cinyla’s POV

Apparently, sir didn’t stay long yesterday either, he thought of going home because he knew I would take care of mommy. Also, Joshua give me hope and confusion because of telling me that my dad was still alive. Is that true? Do I hope that I will see him again since he has been gone for almost 3 years since he had an accident on the very day of my birthday?

I really just breathed a sigh of relief while mommy was mixing milk. I always do this so mommy can relax and calm down. I remembered before when he and daddy are going to rest, I see my dad doing this. He will mix mommy’s milk and then kiss mommy on the forehead. Those sweet memories that I still treasure until I found out that daddy is cheating with my mom. It’s very painful and hard on mommy’s part.

I finished cooking and went straight to mommy’s room. I see her reading a book. Until now, this is still his passion. While dad can do both reading and writing mommy really admires him until the worst thing that he did. I can’t believe it.

“Hi, mommy. This is your milk, drink it first so you can rest.” I approached him with a smile and handed him a glass of milk.

He took it from me and thanked me, “Thank you, Cinyla. Get some rest. I’m fine, I’m just too shocked by what happened earlier.”

I sit next to him and held his right hand. “Mommy, don’t think about it anymore. Daddy has been gone for a long time, I don’t even hope that he is alive. If he is alive, you know he has a family with his woman,” I elaborated.

“I know, my lovely daughter, but you have forgiven your daddy, haven’t you?” mommy asked suddenly, causing me to let go of her hand and hit my chest. Should I forgive him after he lied to us?

So many questions came to my mind. One after the other as if there was a QA going on. To be honest, I don’t know. I’m not sure if my answer is yes or no. “C-Cinyla?” Mommy called me I just woke up to the reality that I was stunned.

“S-okay mommy, get some rest. I have a walk tomorrow. Goodnight and I love you, mommy!” I spoke energetically and completely left his room. I quickly broke the door and I knew he was going to say something more, but thankfully he didn’t hesitate to say more. I’m not yet ready. I don’t know. I don’t even know how to answer his question. It’s been a while, but everything is still clear to me.

I’m still standing outside mommy’s door and I’m out of breath.

I looked around, and from the old style of our surroundings, I suddenly remembered everything. I walked and hugged myself. I almost panic this time, not because of fear but because of the mixed emotions, I feel now.

I chose to go straight to the living room as if my foot had made its own decision and brought me here.

What am I going to do here?

Even though I don’t know my true purpose, I just sat on our red sofa. I leaned on it and just tried to close my eyes.

I felt a little peace and I took a deep breath. After a while, the phone next to me rang.

I quickly took it and answered the call. “Hello?” I said on the other line. My heart was beating one after the other without knowing the reason.

“How are you? I miss you so much.” his voice was familiar but I knew his thoughts were vague.

“W-who are you?” I stammered on the other line.

The voice man slightly reacts like he is smirking because of its strange tone before finally speaking. “You’ll know in the next day or month. Now, I’m glad you’re doing well. I’ll be back, soon.” I wanted to speak immediately but all I heard was a broken line.

I don’t know how I should react. I slowly sat down on the sofa, it’s a good thing I was very tight or I might have fallen to the floor. I don’t know what’s going on. Who is he? What is his purpose? Why is daddy his voice? I’m confused!

“Cinyla, are you okay?” asked mommy who I didn’t realize was right in front of me.

“O-I’m fine ma, why are you still getting up?”

“Because I heard you scream, I thought you were gone. Are you really okay? Wait, why are you still awake and not resting?” He asked one question after another which confused my mind even more.

I stand and carried out my mom. “I’m fine mommy, let’s go rest again. Just imagine it, I’m just resting in the living room and I’m going to sleep.”

I showed him that I’m really okay even though I’m not really because now, I’m thinking about the one who called. Who is that, and what is there in the return he says.

Mommy didn’t even scream, she just followed what I said and what she did somehow made me feel better. He doesn’t want to worry anymore. I don’t want him to think about those things anymore, it’s pointless because I don’t know if what I know is true or not.

I took mommy to her room and she went to bed right away. “Good night, mommy. Sleep well, don’t get up yet, okay? I’m really fine.” I gave a forced smile so that he would think that there was no problem. Although the truth is, there are many things that are bothering my mind right now.

Mommy held my hand which surprised me. “Rest well, Cinyla. Thank you for your understanding and care.” My heart almost fell and my whole mind focused on what he said. “Mommy, rest now. That’s okay, remember everything I do is for you and you are all I have.” My voice was almost hoarse with the last words I said.

I must admit that I felt pain because, for the past few days, I have noticed mommy’s weakness. So as much as possible I don’t want to give him any problems or headaches. So I often want to just solo everything.

He smiled and spoke again. “Alright, my beautiful daughter, get some rest. Go up to your room and go to sleep. Thank you again, daughter.” After he spoke, I came and hugged him tightly. Self, don’t cry.

I control my emotions too much because I feel that they will fall at any moment.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Alright mommy, I’m going upstairs. You rest now.” I finally left mommy’s room. I don’t want to take it any longer because I know my eyes can’t take it anymore.

I was able to breathe properly when I finally got out of my mommy’s room. I went straight upstairs to rest. I also put aside the things that were bothering me – especially the one who called earlier.

I am currently in my room, I went straight to my bed and looked up for a moment where the big clock was posted on the wall. It’s late, but why isn’t sleepiness visiting me?

I quickly looked at my bed as if my body was looking for it; but before I could feel its softness, I looked at my cell phone.

I took that and I didn’t expect so many missed calls. who called

When I opened it, there was only an unknown number on it, which made me feel heavy.

I also opened my inbox messages because two texts grabbed my attention.

Unknown Message

+63967867890

See you soon my love. I miss you and your mommy.

Received. 11:11 PM

Unknown Message

+63967867890

I hope I can recover, I hope you can forgive me. Sorry, everyone.

Received. 11:13 PM

I wake up in bed when I read all of them. The number that left me a message today is the number that called me. I grabbed my heart, it was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to attack me. But first I closed my eyes to stop my feelings and also took a breath afterward.

Whoever you are, I hope you’re not the one on my mind. I hope I’m wrong. I chose to put my cell phone away but before that, I just deleted it because I didn’t want to think about it.

My eyes suddenly turned to the picture of me and mommy and daddy. I stared at it until I smiled slightly and think deeply.

Daddy, I miss you. But if it’s true that you’re still alive, I don’t know if I’m ready to see you or not. I don’t even know if I can forgive you. I don’t even know what my reaction will be or are you really alive? But why and how? I tried to voice it out loud inside my room like I am talking to someone else, but later on, I decided to rest.