The Villainess Won't Die

I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING but how much I always loved her. Even if she always was the one with the credits and everything, I loved her! I still do. Then why did she do all of this to me? Why...? Maybe I did something bad to her and she made me forget about it by controlling my mind.

"You were so naive, Natasha," yeah, you've already stated that. "To the point that you didn't use the magic jewel which could avoid your mind from being washed and manipulated," that's because I didn't know about its existence before it was too late!

If at least, I could go back in time, the first thing I would do would be to get some jewels that were imbued with magic that could protect me against any kind of mind magic. That could protect me of her!

"Oh, Natasha," she touched my hair, "poor child... It was obvious that you would never be favored by others like I was, as well as it was also evident that I would have a good marriage with one of the Imperial or Royal Princes, not you," lies! Why doesn't she stop lying at this point? What would she gain by lying to me when I'm in death's bed? Is she addicted to it or what?

Moreover, if it was obvious like she's declaring, which it wasn't, I wouldn't have had so much trouble while working on a way to make her that son of a bitch's fiancée. And she wouldn't have to make me do so either.

There's no forgetting about the war caused by using me to murder all the possible matches of her beloved 3rd Imperial Prince. She made me kill all the single Princess from the other Kingdoms, even the ones that weren't in marriageable age yet, just so she could be the only possible person to be chosen to marry him. It's ridiculous.

And cruel. Especially because that ended in a very bloody war. A war in which only the barbarians of the Meredithian Empire, strongest land in Padaman after our Empire, didn't participate, once it was the only territory that didn't lose anyone. "But for me, these strings I had on you still weren't enough," oh, I can see that! "I hated to see you happy, to see you laugh, to see you well even if I was being treated better than you were. So even if I had brainwashed you and had control over your mind, I wanted to see you genuinely broken and not just because I told you to be, not a fake feeling. No, no, no, I wanted it to be real," she said everything with a sweet smile that didn't reach her actions or her eyes. "I dreamed with the day I would be able to see you falling deep into despair."

How can she act so naturally while saying those vicious things to me? Or is she telling me the shitty truth in a naive attempt to confess herself and to take the weight off of her shoulders? If that's it, it's stupid and it won't work. I won't let it work.

"I hated the fact that you could be mad or sad, but you never demonstrated to anyone, and I wanted to see you cry, to see you in pain... I craved to see you showing your hatred and how hurt you were under the surface," so, she lost her mind and then destroyed my life because her mind is... wicked?Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

The worst part is that even though she did all of that, I'm not one hundred percent hating her because of it, once I can't remember the past. A part of me is just... completely shattered and full of emptiness, lost in a dark void. And with that, I mean, a really big part of myself is broken and I don't think I can recover from all this. Ever!

But it's not like I have time for that either.

My heart aches so much. I feel like it's about to burst. And the pain is almost unbearable, it hurts more than being dismembered, which already happened to me while I was being restlessly tortured in my brother-in-law's dungeon. Dalilah manipulated my actions, my thoughts, my feelings. The only thing that was real was my love for her when she didn't even deserve it. What have I done to her to deserve all of this? And why does my chest hurts like this?

I lived a trash life and acted like a truly vicious person. Yet, seeing me like this makes her happy? What the fuck is wrong with her?

"Do you understand that I've waited thirteen years for this moment, Natasha?" Well, her tone really show how much she hates me. She pronounced my name as if it was a freaking curse. "How many years I waited just to see this hideous expression on your face? And you know what? It was worthy. It couldn't have been better. I dare to say that it's the most satisfying feeling I've ever felt in my life. This sorrow, sadness, deception, and hatred on your face Natasha... oh, my dear, It's what I'd wished to see my whole life. Thank you, for this last gift," Goddess, I want to punch her face so bad. "And for you to see how good I am, I'll even give you something in return," what the hell is she saying?

What does she mean by giving me something in return? How am I supposed to react to that? What am I supposed to expect from it? Especially coming from a rotten person like her. And why would she do this?

In the instant that followed, literally, like magic, I felt as if a lock had been broken in the confines of my mind, releasing all my lost memories at once. Flooding my subconscious with my, until now, forgotten feelings. I felt sicker than ever when our eyes met and I saw the dreadful psychotic smile on her lips.

I vomit, but once I've been starving for days, and tortured for just as long, only my blood came out. And that made a lot of the bastards that were waiting anxiously for my execution curse disgusted. But Dalilah didn't even blink at that. Her vicious smile only got wider.

"Ha, how delightful. It seems like my love tortured you really well, uh," she held my chin, "I gave your memories back now, sis, just so I can see you feel bad with all the things I'd made you do and you did. I hope you are terrified by it," I felt the tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "Pfft... I'll take this expression on your face as your gift for me. So thank you, dear sister, I'll make sure to treasure it forever in my mind."

" "

If they hadn't cut off my arms in punishment for killing and stealing, I would fucking strangle her right in the spot. I would separate her spine from her body. Not only that, I would whip her existence from the Padaman sphere so bad that not even the Goddess would be able to fucking save her.

My heart hurts.

My body hurts.

My mind hurts.

Why does everything hurt so damn much?