Chapter 62
Alvez smirks at me and lets me know that he’ll send word about time and place, and then we’re released.
Jackson nods to me, grabbing his bag. “I’ll send word too,” he says, standing up from his desk and looking towards the door.
“Wait,” I say, reaching towards him, wanting him to stop and talk for a minute. Not because I have anything to really say, I realize. Just because… I want to talk to him. “Won’t you just come to dinner, like you did before?”
“You’re already a packed house for dinner,” Jackson says, smirking at me. “Maybe we can… go outside for once. Try to talk to those birds.”
And I smile up at him, my spirit twisting a little with excitement. Because even though it was kind of a disaster the last time I met Jackson alone outside, this time? Well. I think I’d kind of like it.
But before I can express any of that, he’s already gone – striding for the door with no hint of a farewell. I laugh, watching him go.
“Sullen,” Rafe says, coming to my side with his books in his arms, frowning after Jackson.
“Nah, just…not prone to formality,” I sigh, nodding. Because I get it – and now I’m suddenly desperately intrigued to know more about him. What kind of world did Jackson grow up in where he never learned, or was encouraged to eschew, the polite lines of society?
And why did my grandmother the Goddess match him up with me, someone who learned social graces from the cradle as part of my role as the nation’s Princess?
“Come on,” Rafe sighs, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and tugging me with him. “Like I said before – mooning happens in the room, in private.”
“Oh, leave me be,” I mutter, smacking him on the chest, my mind still on my mate as we walk from the room, our cousin at our side.
The rest of the week goes remarkably fast, probably because I’m either being hauled on a
workout or have my nose stuck in a book for the rest of it. Even our dinners, while congenial and full of laughs, usually end with a book in each of our laps, studying. It’s grueling work, but each of us know the stakes of it – and we’re all determined to pass our courses as well as the Examination.
“I don’t know what the Examination is,” Ben replies to me one night when I sit next to him on the floor for dinner. He passively cats a roll as he reads through some dense political theory. “No one does.”
“What?” I say, looking up towards Rafe and Jesse in their usual chairs. Luca, stretched out on the couch, looks up too. “Even you two don’t know what’s coming up in the Examination?”
–
Slowly, Rafe shakes his head. “Dad and Uncle Roger were determined not to tell us. And the cadets who have gone through it – both passed and failed are sworn to a great deal of secrecy, even legally. It’s pretty much the only secret truly kept about the Academy. The only thing we know is that it comes just before the holidays, it’s physical as well as mental, and it’s very difficult.”
“So,” I say, turning my head to the side as I lean back on my palms, my plate of food forgotten on the coffee table in front of me. “Is it like…another obstacle course?”
“Probably harder than that,” Luca replies, “and longer. What candidates have figured out and posted online is that it takes at least forty–eight hours.”
“What?” I breathe, fascinated and intimidated.
“It’s not really worth the effort to speculate and worry about it,” Rafe says, returning his attention back to his book. “You’re doing well, Ari, and we’re prepping you. Have faith in the process.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mutter, glaring at my gigantic, powerful brother. “Some of us actually have imaginations which speculate beyond our will.”
“Some of us,” Rafe replies,
control that.”
Is eyes up to me, a little twist to his lips, “learn to
“Oh, you never had an imagination anyway,” I sigh, letting my shoulders slump. It’s true, though – I spent my childhood half in daydreams, imagining a thousand other worlds and
identities that I played with all throughout the day. Rafe just wanted sports.
“Your curse,” he murmurs. “Not mine.”
I shrug, conceding the point, and attempt to turn my attention back to my Chemistry text as silence retakes the room, the only sound the merry crackle of the fire. Despite my interest in the material, though, my eyes drift to Luca, who lounges with his shoulders against the arm of the sofa, one leg stretched out long while the other is bent at the knee, his text propped against his thigh.
Damn it, but he’s pretty.
And stubborn.
I sigh a little, staring at him, wanting very much to crawl up onto the couch and lay myself out along his side, resting my head on his chest. I want to feel, again, his body against mine. I want to feel his breath rising in his chest, the warm scent of him in my nostrils. I want his arms around me.
But still, he won’t meet me in the dream state. And he seems quite a bit more content than me to just… wait for an opportunity to arise for us to talk in private when I can’t just end the conversation like hanging up a phone.
–
Luca’s right that was unfair, I had too much control in the dream state.
But this? This isn’t fair either.
No – I’m very aware that my mate and I are locked, a bit, in a stalemate, and one of us is going to crack. I am very willing for that to be me, but Luca doesn’t know that there are other reasons for my secrecy.
I mean, if he was my only mate? I’d drop it all right now – just demand, openly in this room, that Luca be let in on the secret and everyone simply accept the fact that he’s an important part of my life. But considering that Rafe knows that Jackson is my mate? And Jesse does not? And that I kind of want to keep it that way for now, so that I can keep some semblance of control over my insane life?
I sigh through my nose, shutting my eyes, wishing desperately that I could just…concentrate on school. I wish that my handsome mate wasn’t lounging on my couch two feet from me,
all languid and irresistible, smelling amazing and
A little nudge prods at my soul and my wolf instantly perks up. My eyes fly open, meeting Laica’s, which are already on me. He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly asking if I’m okay.
I narrow my eyes at him, hoping that he gets the clear message that I would be better if he’d just talk to me. Maybe in the dream state, if he would stop being so stubborn about it.
But he just smirks, and gives me a devastating wink, and drops his attention back to his book.
I sigh again, out loud now, making Ben look up and over at me as I snap my book shut and stand, heading for my nook.
“You okay?” Jesse asks, real concern in his eyes as he looks at me.
“Yes,” I mutter, glaring around at all of them. “Just…tired. And sick of boys.” I snap my curtain shut behind me, flopping onto my bed as Ben’s laugh echoes in the room. And I’m well aware that what I just said could be interpreted as…dangerous, if I’m still trying to keep my secret from Luca. Material © of NôvelDrama.Org.
But…am I anymore?
God, I just don’t know.
I let myself fall into a little daze, cozy and warm and blissfully alone in my nook, studying the night away until I fall asleep.
–
I go into the dream state again, as I have done every night. But as with every other night this week, Luca does not appear. I sigh, wondering how he managed it I mean, it would make sense that he is not obliged to enter, that I can’t just drag him here against his well. Is it that simple, that he’s not here simply because he chooses not to be?
It’s okay, my wolf tells me, suddenly appearing at my side, shaking out her rose–gold fur and pressing her warm body against mine, sweet and comfortable. He’s our mate – we will figure it all out. Don’t worry.
“Do you think he didn’t like it?” I whisper to her, half afraid. “That… I mean, what if I’m bad at kissing?”
But my wolf just laughs, a rich, wolfish sound. Don’t worry about that, she murmurs. He liked it, okay? Our love is rich and good and warm. He is a fool if he stays away much longer. He’s only hurting himself.
And I nod, letting myself believe her as I wrap my arms around her neck and bury my face in her pretty rose–gold fur. She gives my shoulder a lick and rests herself against me, and I drift back into my dreams.
The rest of my nighttime rovings are not nearly so stressful. I am my wolf this time. Instead of having her manifest next to me, I embody her, my paws swift as I run along a dark cliffside, the waves of some cold sea crashing against the rocks below. The moon above is bright and I lift my snout, yipping for joy, letting the cool air flood my lungs as I run and run for the love of it.
–
—
The cliff is endless, of course, as is only possible in dreams, and it never ceases in its stunning beauty. Sometimes, behind me. or maybe next to me I can feel another wolf running. I get glimpses of his huge form, his dark and heavy fur – but I don’t pay my companion much mind. Instead, I get the sense that we’re both happy to simply run.
When I wake the next morning – my Alpha alarm apparently starting to kick in, because I’ve woken before both Jesse and the sun I’m more refreshed than I have been in days. I hop eagerly out of bed,
ready to start my day.