The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

So, I forgot the last four years of my life? I lost the last four years of my memory? But how can I take them back? God, please! I need to get them back.

Hopeless and left with no other choice, I just couldn’t help myself but shed tears again. I tried to remember what happened to me after that incident four years ago, but I couldn’t remember any further details, aside from my best friends, Karen and Lorenz.

The latter was even a bit feminine, and that was all I knew. It was just unfortunate because when I woke up earlier, the two just went home. My mother told me that my best friends hardly left my hospital room. The two were even acting raucous in an attempt to wake me up as soon as possible.

However, I didn’t know how to face them both because, at some point, they might look like strangers to me even though we were all best of friends. I wouldn’t have ever known the same treatment that I used to give them way back then.

I might be distant from them now, and that could somehow disappoint them.

Mom also mentioned that last week should be Karen’s return to Cebu because my friend already stayed there for good. But after what happened to me, she canceled her flight to Cebu. I could say that Karen was thoughtful, and perhaps, the two of us were really close to each other.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

While my heart thumped stubbornly, my mind was fragile enough not to remember everything. That was when I wiped my tears from falling. All I had known before was I would be turning into a second-year college student. And now, I had already graduated. It was indeed shocking for me.

What if I had already forgotten even the basics of Accountancy?

Wait… what is the basic accounting equation, Diane? I narrowed my eyes while silently asking myself as if on a graded recitation.

Yeah, right! Assets are equal to liabilities plus owner’s equity. Assets increased under debit, while liabilities and owner’s equity decreased. Under credit, assets decreased while liabilities and owner’s equity increased.

Perfect! I sighed with relief. It looked like some basic knowledge retained in my memories. I promised to work hard on refreshing myself once I got discharged here. For now, I would try to relax.

While choosing from some of the novels that Karen left here, I was glad that I still knew how to read. Mom said that what I picked was the one Karen kept on reading beside me for the past two weeks. My friend told Mom that it was indeed my favorite love story.

It was about a romantic couple that stood the test of time. The guy hurt his girlfriend so much, but in the end, love proved that it conquers everything.

The woman was able to forgive him for what he had done. After all, the past would be forever in the past, and nothing or no one could ever change that.

For a moment, I would still keep on forcing myself to remember. As a result, my head would just hurt mentally. And yet, I still couldn’t remember anything. I looked so pathetic over my diminished memories like those were popped balloons in the air.

God knew how much I was determined to get back my old memories. But it felt like some parts of my head were doors forever locked, and I couldn’t fathom how to open them.

It was hard to be living like this, but life must go on. I still had a family to lean on, and for them, I had to be strong. Defeating the extreme misery caused by my father’s death when I was young, I was certain that I would also be able to surpass this kind of trial.

But apart from everything, how I wished I hadn’t remembered that one traumatic event that happened to me four years ago. I hoped that it would be the last thing I could remember-that it should just stay on the deepest part of my brain-but fate seemed to be messing up with me all along.

It turned out to be the first thing that came back to my memory, with a mission of haunting me after all these years. How could I say now that the past should just be buried?

“Sweetheart, you have to take a rest. Get well soon first, so you can get out of here. Don’t force yourself to swiftly remember everything because it might not even help you,” Mom softly said.

“It would only hurt your head and might worsen your condition. I won’t get tired of telling you what happened over the recent four years. Always remember that we have all the time together,” she continued while peeling the apples.

Mom instructed my siblings to rest at home with Uncle Greco showing up to fetch David and Denise an hour ago. On the other hand, I could remember that apples and grapes were my favorite fruits.

Closing the novel and carefully placing it back on the side stack, I stared intently at Mom. “H-How can I recover soon if I’ve lost a big part of my life, Mom?”

“How can I live n-normally now… when I didn’t even know how to start again? With what was lost over the last four years, I barely knew myself.” I sat on the bed and leaned over the slant position of its headrest. I began to cry again.

“Hija, no matter what happens… you are still Diane, and that won’t ever change. You are still my filial daughter and the role-model sister to your siblings.” Mom stopped from what she was doing, wiped her hands with a clean towel, approached me, and gently wiped my tears from continuous falling.

“You know what? I am so grateful to God that you’re now safe, sweetheart. Seeing you awake matters to me more than anything. You might be having amnesia right now, but only a part of your memory was missing…” Mom concisely explained while holding my head.

Then, she smiled and touched my chest to directly refer to my heart. “But the content of this one, no. Use this so you could easily remember everything, Diane. I know that you will soon be able to do that. Just listen to your heart.”

“And I believe that there’s no impossible to God. You can even remember everything in just a few months. Just trust yourself, sweetheart. We’re always here to help you, and we just have to hold on that your memories will come back anytime soon.” Mom assured as she patted me on my shoulder, pulled me into a hug, rose back to her feet, and continued peeling the apples.

“But w-what really happened to me, Mom? Why and h-how did I get into that accident? As far as I know, we don’t have a car, and I just commute to school. Am I riding a jeepney? Are there any other people involved? D-Did someone die?” I anxiously threw Mom a series of questions.

Guilt was building up in my heart. What if I caused that car crash?

“Hey! Relax, sweetheart. You don’t have to stress yourself with what happened, okay? You and Liam were getting married in Balesin Island two weeks ago, but the car brakes malfunctioned. Don’t worry because no one else was involved, and most importantly, no one died.”

What Mom said sent me relief. Then, I continued listening to her.

“Your fiancé also received medical treatment after the doctors revived you. He worried so much about you and even blamed himself for what happened to the both of you,” Mom handed me some apple slices, from which I immediately dug myself.

But what name did my Mom say? L-Liam? Who is he? I can’t remember him! my mind screamed while I was silently chewing.

“We were as nervous as hell because you nearly died, sweetheart! Imagine my reaction when I saw your heart monitor showing a flat line twice? Then, you also went into a coma for two weeks. So, I’m more than happy now that you’re already okay! You don’t know how grateful I am.”

And fiancé? Was he the man who I answered right away in just two days of courtship? And we were even getting married in Balesin? Aren’t only the rich ones capable of going there?

But even though I couldn’t remember anything about our relationship-no single clue about his face-I could feel that my heart beats freaking faster as if it was too excited to hear his name. I could feel something in me got suddenly ignited at the thought of him, and that something sent electrifying chills throughout my whole system.

He had this kind of effect on me. I wouldn’t be surprised at all, since Liam was my fiancé and we were about to get married. That was how I understood what my mother told me. If that was the case, then I wanted to see him.

Perhaps, I could fully remember our wonderful times together once I saw his face. At the same time, I might be able to see some flashbacks about how we dated. My lips painted a smile on their own accord when I realized that extreme anticipation spread through my brain cells just by hearing his name.

But after all, I shrugged my shoulders. It was quite ironic to hear the truth. It felt like yesterday, I was only a college student. And when I woke up today, I was about to get married and ready to start my own family.

Damn those forgotten memories!

“Liam? I-I don’t remember him, Mom. But if he’s really my fiancé, then w-where is he? S-Shouldn’t he be here too? Shouldn’t he be one of those people who I would see first as soon as I opened my eyes and came back to life? But why is he not here? The doctor didn’t even ask me about him. I should have at least seen his picture with me!” My eyes dimmed.

“But above everything, is he okay? Was he treated fine? What does he look like? And do I have a cellular phone, Mom? I should have one, right? And I could have at least saved a photo of us.” I didn’t know why I suddenly got worried about Liam.

The car that we were riding doesn’t have brakes, so he might have also suffered a lot. I used to be a man-hater before… but if he was already my fiancé, then he must be persistent to win my heart. He might be really special to me to quickly say ‘yes’ on his marriage proposal.

But what does Liam look like, and how did he court me? How did he win my heart, and if my memory was correct, what led me to accept him to be my boyfriend in just two days?

Then, my heart jumped ecstatically, as if I was so excited to remember everything. I really wanted to see him. My mind couldn’t remember him, but my heart would surely recognize him.