Xo Novel
Chapter 46
Chapter 46
I am rooted to the spot, paralysed and I literally start to tremble; that look never breaking, and he doesn’t blink once.
I can almost feel myself getting faint as my body gives way a little. Gino is talking at him, getting minimal response, but it’s holding the beast at bay. Gino looks at me over his shoulder and I can see the tension, the air of concern that he knows he’s only just marginally keeping Alexi under control and has doubts as to whether he can keep it up. He looks genuinely concerned, and it just fuels the wave of nausea which overpowers me.
‘‘Go upstairs, Camilla … Now!’’ Gino snaps and I can almost see Alexi’s muscles bulging and tensing with growing anger, hating me and barely keeping himself under control as I turn and hightail it upstairs. I get to the upper balcony and halt when I hear his tone and it makes my blood curdle.
‘’I’m going to fucking kill her. No one runs from me.’’ Alexi sounds insane and it just adds new levels of terror to what I already feel. I sink down, my body suddenly weak, and I’m unable to keep moving on my legs that have given up the game, clinging to the bannister in a bid to ground myself.
‘’Be smart … think about this and calm the fuck down.’’ Gino, I presume, as he sounds exactly the same, only not angry just indulgent and calmer. He sounds like someone who knows how to pacify the devil or at least try to.
‘’Calm down? She had the nerve to run Gino, which part of that don’t you get? How this looks and what that means.’’ Alexi sounds volcanic and I have never seen or heard him lose his cool quite like this. This terrifies me more than that danger tone of his. This one is purely emotional and unbridled anger.
‘’Why did she run Alexi, huh? Because you are making her terrified. She’s obviously afraid of you and whatever you did to make her run. You’re only going to make it happen again if you go up there like this.’’
Listen to your brother, he talks sense. I couldn’t be any more afraid of him than I have become and this only fuels that fire. Gino has a very good point. I ran because of Alexi.
‘’I’ll chain her to the fucking house.’’ He growls in response, and I curl up tightly on the landing and try not to cry. Sliding my arms around my legs and rocking myself to try and stay calm while listening intently. I want to know my fate rather than sit and wait in my room for it to come to me, and judging by his tone and responses, I don’t have much of a future left.
‘‘I brought her here to keep her safe and this is how she repays me!’’ I can make out footsteps pacing around, and I can almost imagine him like a caged animal, crazily walking the room to simmer that temper and keep his shit together. Although he’s right, he did bring me here to keep me safe, yet the only person who is an actual danger to me is Alexi.
‘‘She came back, didn’t she? She came to face you knowing what was waiting for her. You got to give it to her Alexi, she’s got balls. For all that sweet face and vulnerable look, she’s a gutsy one and obviously under your skin if this is anything to go by.’’ Gino sounds less intimidating than Alexi, a kinder tone to his voice but I still don’t trust him, he’s definitely one to watch. Devious should be the Carrero middle name.
‘’You don’t know her like I do, it’s all an act. She’s a born manipulator and a whore.’’ It cuts more than it should, I don’t know why but it does. It’s not just that he thinks everything I do or say is gameplay, but the fact he’s calling me that when he doesn’t even know what I was. That word has always been a huge trigger for me; I hate it and what it represents, what it means to be called that. I abhor it with every fibre of my being, and I start to silently well up with as much anger as fear over his use of something I despise.
What would he call me if he knew all the tiny dirty details of my past?
Tears break loose and pour down my cheeks, my heart aching even though it’s for a dumb reason. I hate him, I never want him to touch me ever again yet it wounds me to hear him call me that. I didn’t choose that path, I had to live with the hand I was dealt and survive while doing it.
He has no idea what kind of strength and grit that takes. I was only a child, alone in a cruel world and instead of crumbling, just like so many kids who walked the same path, I thrived. Clawed some sort of existence, battled through hell and pain to come out the other side. He has no idea what sort of depravity and shit I have endured.
‘’You used to trust people you know? You used to see the good in people and give them a chance.’’ Gino sounds saddened suddenly, and my ears perk up, stifling my sobs. Interest peeking through my anguish and any hints at more about Alexi is like a drug—I need to know more about him. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to him. No matter what he does, I have an affliction when it comes to him.
‘’Don’t start this bullshit again. I know this shit is why you keep trying to use her to get me to snap. I’m wise to your attempts at it, Gino.’’ Alexi sounds mad again, his moods all over the place, and yet I can’t stop eavesdropping.
‘’Is it wrong to want my brother back?’’
‘‘I never went anywhere. It’s all in your head. I am still your brother! I still come home for every family event like a good little kid and play the adoring Carrero, as expected. What more do you want from me?’’ Alexi is reverting to a cold tone and closing out emotion. I guess this is a subject he doesn’t like, and I strain to listen through the railing some more, pushing my fear aside to just get snippets of the man. Leaning forward and straining as they move into the room and voices drop so it’s harder to hear.
‘‘The thirteen-year-old who was like me. Before that day, before this life, the kid who used to do normal shit and behave like a normal human being sometimes. He would never have treated a girl like this.
He’s still in there somewhere, still lurking in the darkest shadows and I hate what stepping up in dad’s shoes has done to you.’’
Thirteen? Why is he being so age-specific?
‘’Gino, go home, this conversation is old and boring.’’ Alexi sounds icy and controlled. Gino’s heading into dangerous territory and should leave Alexi alone, even I can tell from up here without even laying eyes on him. ‘’You think I don’t see that’s where it all went wrong. You didn’t need to follow in dad’s footsteps to forgive yourself for it. It affected all of us, and it was okay to not be okay.’’ Gino sounds emotional, his voice breaking, and I hold my breath, urging him to be more specific. It’s too vague and I need details, craving information. Straining like crazy to hear and forget my own self-pity for a moment.
‘‘I’m not doing this. This isn’t a mask or a front—this is who I am. I don’t pretend to be a cold bastard and not care … I AM a cold bastard who doesn’t care.’’
I can vouch for that.
‘’You care about your family, the ones who are blood, and if you can care about them then you can still care. You can care about her. It won’t bring your kingdom crumbling down.’’
‘‘What do you need Gino huh? You need me to tell you that it’s okay and you can stop feeling guilty? Well you can. I shot him, not you. I pulled the trigger and killed him at point-blank range to protect both of you. She put a gun in my hand and I did what I needed to do to make sure all three of us got out of that car alive, it’s not on you how I became or what life I chose thereafter, and it’s not on you to feel guilty for it because I sure as hell don’t.’’ Alexi sounds less manic and more controlled as he gets a grip on his own emotions and calms down.
My head is racing with possibilities. From the mention of his mother, I know it has something to do with the situation with Santagato and I wonder if someone came after his mother when they were just young
boys. Alexi shot their attacker, and from what it sounds like it changed his life for the worse. Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.
Oh Alexi, I wish I had known you before that. If you were thirteen, I would have been nine … Two children not yet fully touched by what was coming for them, and I wonder who we would have become had our lives taken another path.
‘’We were kids. Mom should have pulled the trigger herself to protect us, not you.’’ Gino sounds broken, like this still affects him deeply and there’s a hint of something more when he mentions her, betrayal or blame maybe. He clearly holds his mother responsible for Alexi.