Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 84: Some Space 

EMMA’s POV :

----- Three Months Later -- -- -

It was a new year, a new semester, and a new era.

As soon as winter break was over, I left New York City and got back into my college life reality.

This was the semester where I was supposed to declare a major.

After the past year, I had some inkling of what I wanted to major in, which was communications.

I had to thank Tristan for hooking me up with the ads department in the school newspaper, because that had a lot of impact on my decision.

So, I was back at school and immediately I got busy.

I had to make sure I've taken all the classes necessary for this major.

I also had to talk to some professors, deal with paperwork, and so on and so forth.

It was hectic, but I liked the chaos.

It helped me take my mind off of lan for a bit.

Things with lan were getting...too intense.

Some days were good, and some days I didn’t know if we were all right.

Ally was feeling a lot better now and they got right back to work.

I’ve heard that the gallery finally got the approval and financial injections it needed, and it was ready for launching.

He was busy and I was busy, but that was okay.

Because the more I had free time to think about our relationship, the more I would pick out things that were wrong with it.

I didn't wanna do that.

So our busy lives were actually a good thing.

Finally, we were getting some normalcy out here.

"Hey, E!"

Tristan's sudden loud yell pulled me out of my daydreaming.

I was walking mindlessly through the communications building.

I had just turned in some documents to the office when Tristan saw me passing by.

"Hey, T,"

I greeted him back as he sauntered over to me.

"So, it's official, huh? You're a communications major now?"

"Yup,"I nodded proudly.

"Starting next semester, I am no longer undeclared,"

"Feels good, huh?"

he said as we started walking for the door.

"Really good.I'm starting to see what my future will be like,"

"And what will it be like?"

"Hmm,"I smiled to myself as my mind wandered off.

"I wanna work for creative agencies or magazines.Maybe in New York City,"

I was imagining future Emma walking down the streets of NYC, she would dress professionally, but still look cute in it.

I would have a cool job and a lovely apartment that I share with my fiancée.

Yes, lan and I would be living together and our relationship would be back like it was before.

No more long distance drama.

We would be as strong as ever.

Oh, a girl can only dream.

"Hello? Earth to Emma?"

Tristan waved his hand carelessly in front of my face, pulling me back into reality again.

"What?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"What?"I repeated myself.

"Look,"

he pointed to the poster on the wall behind me.

I whipped my head around and read the heading: Calling all communications major, spend a year abroad in Paris for an internship and exchange program.

"I was saying that it looks like something you could be interested in,"he said again.

I tilted my head to the side and continued reading.

It was an ad for third year students in the communications department.

They were offering a program where we could intern for a creative company in Paris while taking classes at the famous Sorbonne University.It was a partnership thing that U Penn had with Sorbonne.

"Wow.This looks promising,"

I admitted and I kept on reading.

Sorbonne University has an innovative and global outlook and is committed to long-term partnerships with international universities to further scientific research.

It also runs a campus in Abu Dhabi, the capital of the United Arab Emirates, where students can study literature, languages, the humanities and the sciences.

Students that came out of the program would earn invaluable work experiences as well as cultural knowledge and an edge in the developing world market.

"I think you should apply for it,"

Tristan was saying what I was thinking in my head.

"Should I...?"I was mainly asking myself.

"Totally.It sounds like a really cool program, I would apply if I was a comms major.And plus, it’s gonna help you a lot for when you're entering the job market after college,"

Tristan was making a lot of good points, but I had one thing on my mind: this was a year long program in Paris, France.

Right now, lan and I were only 90 miles apart and we were having problems.

What would happen to us if we were thousands of miles apart? "No, I don’t think I can,"

I sighed and looked away from the poster.

"Why not?"

"Well...you're gonna think it's stupid, but I don’t think my relationship can handle another mile in between us.We're having enough problems already, another year of long "It doesn't matter what I want —"

"The hell it doesn't!"he snapped.

"Of course, it matters.So tell me, do you want it?"

"l..I guess I do..."I breathed.

"But life is a series of choices we make, Tristan.We don't always get what we want and sometimes we sacrifice the little happiness for a bigger one in the future,"I thought I made a good argument, but Tristan just glared at me and scoffed, "Really, Emma? Really?"

"What?"

"You need to stop worrying about other people and start thinking about yourself for a change.Or else you're gonna regret it," he said as he put his hands on my arms, speaking straight into my soul.

"Do what makes you happy.If he really loves, he'll understand.And if you two are really meant to be, you'll be together no matter what,

I was totally caught off guard.I didn’t expect that at all.

"It doesn't matter what I want —"

"The hell it doesn't!"he snapped.

"Of course, it matters.So tell me, do you want it?"

"l..I guess I do..."

I breathed.

"But life is a series of choices we make, Tristan.

We don't always get what we want and sometimes we sacrifice the little happiness for a bigger one in the future,"

I thought I made a good argument, but Tristan just glared at me and scoffed, "Really, Emma? Really?"

"What?"

"You need to stop worrying about other people and start thinking about yourself for a change.Or else you're gonna regret it,"he said as he put his hands on my arms, speaking straight into my soul.

"Do what makes you happy.If he really loves, he'll understand.And if you two are really meant to be, you'll be together no matter what,"

I was totally caught off guard.

I didn’t expect that at all.

I was frozen in shock as I took in everything that he just said.

Meanwhile, Tristan let out a small smile before releasing his grip on me.

He threw his gaze away and coughed awkwardly, moving a step backward.

Everything he said was true.

His words kept ringing in my ear and I turned my head back to that poster, thinking...should I? I had decided to give it a little more time.

This was a big decision and I shouldn't be impulsive about it.

I made a list, a pros and cons list, the kind that I like to make whenever I was confused about something.

Pros: One, it would be a great opportunity for my future career.

Two, I could travel the world.

I've always wanted to go see Paris.

I took French in high school, finally it could be useful.

Three, I wanted to have different experiences in life.

With lan, my future was pretty set in stone and I liked the security aspect of it, but I also wanted to experience other things on my own.

Cons: Paris was so freaking far away.

It would be expensive and damn near impossible to travel back and forth.

I probably wouldn't be able to see my family and friends for a whole year, but especially lan.

Long distance was rough on us and this might be the nail on the coffin.

He might get tired of me, and then he'll leave me for Ally.

Ugh, I hated myself for thinking those thoughts, but that was the truth.

These were all my fears and insecurities.

I had been sitting on this list for the past few weeks and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I even called up Tiff and Carrie for an emergency facetime meeting, but that wasn't helping either.

Tiff said I should totally go to Paris because her experiences backpacking around Europe for a year had taught her so much about life, more than she could ever imagine.

Carrie, on the other hand, thought it wasn't necessary for me to go to Paris to experience life.

She said I could pretty much do the same thing and still be with lan.

I could look for other internships around Philly or the city.

Talking with Tiff and Carrie confused me even more, so I did the next best thing.

I knew I could count on Tristan for his stable logic and honesty, so I decided to write him an email.

I was alone in the apartment tonight, both Sophie and Tristan were out.

Tristan was busy at the school newspaper lately, so it was hard finding the time to talk to him at home.

Sitting on the couch in the living, I grabbed my laptop and started typing furiously.

After attaching my pros and cons list to the email, I wrote to him: Hey, T.

I know you're busy with the school newspaper, but I was hoping I could get your opinion on this pros and cons list I made.

It’s about the Paris program.

I've talked to my friends and they were no help at all.

I was thinking I could use some of your wisdom, o great one.

Thanks, Tristan.

I'm counting on you.

Emma.

Tristan’s email address was [email protected].

I wasn't paying attention because I was in such a rush to send that email, I let autocomplete finished my typing for me. Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

After sending the email, I put my laptop away and decided to make some tea.

I was having trouble sleeping lately, and chamomile tea seemed to be helping.I was in the middle of brewing some hot water in a pot when I heard my phone rang.

Running towards the couch, I grabbed the little thing and saw the screen.lan Calling.Weird.

We didn't plan on talking on the phone tonight.

In fact, he was telling me that he was going to sleep, so we had texted each other good night moments ago.

"Hey, what's up?"

I said as I put the phone to my ear and went back to the kitchen.

"What's this email you sent me?" his tone was serious and demanding.

"What email?"

"The one you just sent me.The pros and cons list,"

"What? I didn’t send you that — oh shoot!"

My eyes shot up instantly and I raced back to the living room.

I pushed my laptop open and checked the last email I sent.My heart sank to my feet as I read the screen.I had made the stupidest mistake ever.

I sent that email to [email protected] instead of [email protected].

Oh, shit on a stick.

"Emma, explain this to me.Now,"lan demanded.

"lan...I..."

I was stammering.I took a deep breath and calmed myself before continuing, "So, there’s this internship program in Paris for a year, and I’m just trying to figure out if I should apply for it or not..."

"Why didn’t you talk to me about it? You talked to all your friends.You asked for Tristan’s opinion.

What about my opinion? When are you planning to tell me? When you're already on a plane three thousand miles away?"lan didn’t stop to let me say anything.

His tone of voice only dropped lower and more demanding as he went.

"I thought you were done with pros and cons when it comes to us? What is this, are you having second thoughts about us?!"

"lan, I'm just trying to figure things out.Why are you yelling at me?"I pleaded, somewhat yelling at him back.

"I’m your fiancée goddamnit,"he snarled.

"You need to talk to me about these things,"

"I know and I will,"

"When?"

"When I'm ready!"

He was pushing me so hard, I ended up shouting back.

Quickly, I calmed myself down and spoke softer this time, "I didn’t wanna tell you until I'm ready because I know you're gonna make my decisions for me,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"he scoffed.

I couldn't answer him, so I stayed quiet.

lan was always the dominant one in this relationship.

He was also older and super protective.

Once he declared something, I wouldn't have the willpower to disagree.

"Are you at home right now? Wait for me, I’m coming over,"he was impatient because I wasn't speaking.

"lan, it’s late at night and I’m tired,"I tried to reason with him.

"I'm coming over,"he said anyway.

"Don't!"I said quickly.

"lan, I need some space to think, okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I want some time to think,"I said again.

"I know you wanna help figure things out for me, but I want to figure things out for myself for a change!"

"Emma..."

"Please don't come.And please...give me some space,"

This was the first time I ever stood up to him like this.

It shocked me, but it shocked him even more.

"Baby girl..."he started to speak, but he couldn't finish it.

"Good night, lan,"

I turned off the call before he could say another word.

That was hard to do, but it needed to be done.

Tristan was right.

I had to stop worrying about what lan would think and start thinking about myself and what I want.

No regrets.