Stuck With The Four Hotties

“How did you know where to find me?” I ask finally, because we haven’t really talked about the things that happened here. We’ve touched on them, but I want to confront them and move on.

“I didn’t. I just saw that you weren’t in class. You were always in class, so

…” He pauses and exhales, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I don’t know why I went looking really. I …” Zack stops talking and runs his fingers through his chocolate-brown hair. “I thought maybe you’d be in here crying or something. Then I saw your legs under the stall door.”

I watch him, and I can see that he’s hurting, but I … I’m not. I try to decide if I’m just numb on the inside, but that’s not it. No, I’m just in a different place in my life. I’ve gotten stronger. “I saved you, and then I told Lizzie about it.”

“Wait.” I look up and narrow my eyes. “You saved me and then told Lizzie about it? I was under the impression she’d already rescinded her end

of the bet?”

“No, it was after …” Zack looks up at me. “Why?”

“I … never mind.” I turn my arms over and look for the marks on my wrists. There are faint scars, so faded that I can barely see them anymore. After my failed attempt with the pills, I rested at home for three days, and then I tried to cut my wrists in the shower.

Dad had just gotten these new kitchen knives with a magnetic board, and beautiful galaxy prints on the blades. They had brightly colored handles, and they were sharp as hell. It hadn’t hurt nearly as much as I’d thought, but there was so much blood, just ribbons and ribbons of red, swirling down the drain.

I panicked then and ran to get Charlie.

It was the dizziness that really scared me, the weakness that swept over my body. It was that realization that I’d never be anything or anyone in this life, that I’d let Dad down, that I was giving up the most important thing in the world: a chance. I had a chance to turn things around, and I was saying no to that. It’s just not in my nature to give up, I guess. The feelings of loneliness and helplessness though, they were so strong. I wish someone had noticed beforehand how much I was hurting.

After that, I spent some time recovering in the hospital, and once they decided I was no longer a danger to myself, they sent me home. Zack and I started dating, and then we shared our first kiss. He broke up with me, and that was that. I didn’t see him anymore.

Not until he stepped out of that limo outside Burberry Prep.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks me, and I look up, remembering him pulling my body against his, his fingers opening my mouth, making me throw up. I sobbed and sobbed as he rocked me, my fingers clinging to his shirt. He brought me that low. For a bet. For a game. For the fucking Infinity Club.

“How did you feel when you found me in here like that? What was going through your head?”

Zack curls his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees. His gaze is so far away, I can tell he’s not here in the moment with the current me, but rather in the past with the girl he tried so hard to destroy.

“Shame. Anger. Hatred. Not toward you though, but toward myself. I don’t know if you remember me screaming. I don’t think I stopped until they took you away, and I punched the wall so hard I broke my knuckle.” He sits

up and points at a tile, still cracked from that incident so long ago. It’s like life, I guess, how one small action can change the fate of the world forever.

“And your grandfather … why did he cut your parents off in the first place?” Zack’s mouth tightens into a thin line, and he looks away, focusing on a dick drawn in Sharpie next to the toilet. It says Emily Loves Brad’s Cock. I stand up and dig around in my purse for a moment, pulling out my own permanent marker and scratching the words out with the squeak of pen on tile.

“My dad, and his dad, they don’t exactly see eye to eye on … well, anything. Politics, religion, economics. They’re polar opposites. They got in some huge fight over the direction of the company. My dad never joined the Infinity Club. He wanted to make an honest living with the business. My grandpa …” Zack scoffs as I turn back to look at him. “He said there was no chance to make real money without the Infinity Club. He’s right, by the way.”

Zack stands up and leans back against the wall as I toy with the idea of writing a few choice phrases on the tiles myself. But then I just feel bad for the janitor and end up tucking the pen away again.

“He’s right about the money, that is. But he never should’ve pushed me to join, and my dad never should’ve let him.” Zack stares at the floor for a moment, and when he lifts his gaze to mine, I can see the worry there, the worry that I’ll never truly be able to forgive him and Lizzie for what they did. “I was young, and stupid. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t do it again. I’d go to Lower Banks High instead. My only regret would be that I didn’t get to go to Burberry with you.”

“Miranda says you’re too perfect,” I tell him, turning around and trying to gauge his reaction. “She says you do all the right things and say all the right things, but that you’re probably full of shit.”

Zack grins and shrugs his shoulders.

“She’s probably right. Marnye, I’m not a nice person. I’m learning, but … I still have a long way to go.” He exhales and his grin fades into a tempered smile. “Do you want to grab the food I got from the Station and walk over to the elementary school? I’ll push you on the swing and we can eat silver dollar pancakes on the picnic tables?”

“I think I’ve seen all I need to see here,” I say, letting Zack put an arm around me and lead me back outside and over to the fence. Just before ICcontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

climb through, I look across the campus one last time, say a silent goodbye, and leave Lower Banks Middle Schoo

l behind for the last time.