Rachel

RachelThis content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .

Alone in the living room of the place that holds some precious memories of my life. I don’t know, but after being away for so many years from here this place somehow makes me feel nostalgic.

Time seems to have stopped here, as I looked around nothing has changed in here so far, everything seems as it has been years ago. Maybe that is one of the reasons I don’t have the heart to leave, even after hearing Jayce’s scolding so much.

I moved around slowly inspecting every inch of it. Somehow it seems weird for me to see that Jayce is still stuck in the past but then I look at myself and notice he isn’t one who is stuck in the past. I sighed moving further into the room where I used to live before setting up my own apartment. And surprisingly everything is the same here too, the place seems clean, just everything is where I placed it the last time I was here.

Watching all this more and more questions pops in mind. I don’t know what to do, about the suition in here, Jayce closed himself in his room, hows house is stuck in a time capsule or something similar. Moreover, the underlying thought and emotions that’s fighting to come out from both of our hearts but we don’t even know how to speak or make conversation like normal human beings.

Things are when you don’t know how to express yourself. I made a mistake leaving living years ago without speaking what was in my heart to Jayce, and now I guess it’s too late to cry of the mistakes of the past. All I can do right now is wait for Jyace to come out and talk about something that has been long underlying in my heart but I am too scared to talk to anyone about it. But maybe now is the time to step up and take action before it gets later than it already has been.

*******

Jayce

I shook my head, punching my fist on the wall, until the throbbing pain made me stop doing it. I waited so long to have a chance to talk to me now that she is here with me, so close. I can’t make myself speak my mind.

No, I need to calm down, and talk to her, so there isn’t any hard feeling in between us that is already bothering both of us. I don’t know but for some reason the event and the sudden act of wanting to talk to each other and clear everything in between us, yet not being able to speak the feeling in one another’s heart somehow seems very similar.

The memories brought a smile on my face, even back then we acted like a fool hiding our true self like now. But in the end things did turn out great. And I know only communication can make any difference in both our situation, I hope its not too late to clear things between us, I hope things work out just as it did last time, maybe if better because like last time I don’t want our realtionsahip be only about sex I want more of Rachel.

But everytime I take a step forward trying to act as my heart wants, my phobia of relationships and my past comes in my way, making it worse for me.

Maybe now is the time for action, confessing the feeling in my heart no matter what the result, there is no point in hiding not now.

I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves, opening the door and being surprised by Rachel standing in front of me. Both of us are staring at each other, no one is making the first move to start a conversation. It’s insulting how even being an adult man, I’m too scared to talk about the feeling in my heart, maybe one of the reasons for it is that I care about Rachel, something that is quite odd for me.

I’ve never been in a relationship before. There were random hook ups here and there, but then Rachel changed everything in life, giving me a different perspective of life. And once I do want to be in a relationship and see how things work out, but the only person I want to be is Rachel. She doesn’t have a mere idea how important her existence is for me and in my life. And after four years watching her here in my house with all the memories I’ve built with her.

“I think it’s better if you come out and we clear out any difference in between us,” Rachel said, with her eyes not leaving mine.

I nodded my head at her words. Cursing myself inside, all this time I was thinking the same but I was just too scared to speak up. Good thing Rachel is the talkative one in between us.

I hope her talkative nature also helps us to clear the complications in between us.

*******

Rachel

Sometimes you’ve so much that you talk about and share but you just can’t find the right time or the right words to deliver your feeling to the one. Yeah and that’s the time for right now.

Jayce is in front of me but yet I couldn’t find the courage to speak to him, but I do have to take action. I don’t wanna act like a coward like last and run away hiding.

I take a deep breath trying to calm all my senses. “I think it’s better if we talk out and clear any differences between us,” I finally said.

Jayce nodded his head following me to the living room. “Let’s start with my first question, why did you leave me alone that day while I was sleeping.”

I nodded my head; I think there is no hiding from it now I need to say why I took such a rash decision. “I thought it better for both of us if I leave,”

“What do you mean?” Jayce asked with his face calm and demure.

“We’re not in a relationship, you’re my boss, and other than that we are only sex mates,” I said even if it was very hard to, but that is the truth. “I’m sorry for not informing you before, but I guess I was being too selfish. I know you never wanted anything serious between us, yet I helped myself falling for you,” I sighed, I never thought it would be that hard to say this to him face to face. “I’m sorry for ever asking more than I deserve, I just don’t want to bother you that why I left unannounced,”

All this time I was talking, Jayce stared at me silently, maybe my words are not convincing enough for him or anyone to believe but from a small age I have learnt from my experience to never hope for more than I deserve, cause it’s only me who is going to get hurt by my expectations.

“Don’t apologize; you deserve everything you want in life. I was a fool for avoiding the feeling I have for you in my heart, fool enough not to realize how much I love you until you left me that day. You don’t even know how lost I was not being able to find you all this time,” Jayce said, hugging me in arms. “Rachel, I love you, can you give me a chance to be brave enough to show how much I love you,”

I separated myself from his embrace, “Jayce…, I want too, but….,”

“But…what?” Jayce replied with his hands caressing my cheeks.

I sighed, taking a deep breath with all my insecurities that were lying somewhere under me to the surface, “I’m scared; I don’t wanna do the same mistakes as my mom.” I finally said the words that I’ve never spoken to anyone before. “All her life she loved someone who never cared for her, and because that she suffered all her being alone even in her deathbed he never once came to see her,”

“Not every man is like your father, I’ll never leave alone,” Jayce caresses my cheek again with his finger wiping the tears from my eyes. “No one made the way you did, never before I was desperate to be loved someone, never had anyone made so insane to search the whole country just so I can confess to her,”

I’m in lack of words of words after hearing his confession, I don’t trust my sense right at moment, I don’t what am I hearing is true or my minds plays tricks with me or all these is dream. I don’t know but I’m utterly dumbfounded after hearing his world.

“You okay,” Jayce asked.

I nodded, I don’t know what to say, words don’t seem to be out of my mind.

“I know these all too to accept right now, even though we used work together, we barely know about each other,” I nodded again, he right, we both very sensitive personality and we barely used shares our problem let felling to each other, the only thing we used is bed.

“Let’s start from the beginning,” Jayce said, reaching out his hand for a handshake, “Nice to meet you, I’m Jyace, I’ve been admiring you for quite a long time but I’ve never found the courage to speak up before,” he smiled, introducing himself.

I smiled shaking his hands, “I’m Rachel,”

Jayce then suddenly took my hand moving to lips, planting a gentle kiss on it. “Do you mind going on a date with me, tomorrow,”

“I guess we skipped many steps,” I said, teasing him with my words.

Jayce smiled. “We can’t make the mistake of rushing and ruining everything, good thing take time,”

“Really,” Jayce nodded. “Then pick me up at 7 sharp but now get out,”

“Why?” Jayce protested. “I don’t want to leave, I’m afraid the moment I leave I’ll see again,”

“Jayce,” I said with my hands on caressing his cheeks, with both our eyes looking at each other. “The first step of any relationship is to trust each other, trust me I’ll never leave you like before,”

“I trust you,” Jayce replied, hugging me tightly. “I’m just scared to lose you,”

Jayce, I never thought I would love so much. I really shouldn’t let my insecurities rule over last time. I should have stayed. Maybe things would be different if I did. “I will never leave you, Just never break the trust I have for you,” I mumbled the words more to myself than to him.

“Never,” Jayce mumbled, separating himself from me, planting lips on lips kiss me deeply and passionately, even after all years nothing changed, his kisses as passionate as it was before, the way his hands are same gently and warms as his before holding me caressing me, our sexual chemistry is still on point but is emotions, and feeling for each other that we have to work on to make thing work for us.

His words, his touch, wherever he is close to me, nothing matters; everything fades when I’m with him.

Breathing heavily we broke the kiss. “I should leave; I don’t want sex to ruin things between us like before,”

“I don’t think you can blame sex for that, if we haven’t been so closed up with each other, and shared what in our heart thing might be different,” I ripped, breathing heavily.

“Still, I promised to take it slow, I won’t rush,” Jayce said, planting his lips on my forehead. “Tomorrow, I’ll try my best to give you the best date you deserve. I want to make up for all our lost time and memories, I want to date you, kiss you, make you my girlfriend and announce to the whole world that you’re mine.”

“Aren’t you thinking so much,”

“No, all these I’ve hidden what we have to world, as if our relationship is something that I should be ashamed of but this time I wanna show everyone how proud am I to be with you,”

“Jayce,” Hearing him say all these words to be made tearing, tears glistering from my eyes. “I don’t know what to say, after hearing all these….,”

“You don’t have to say anything, your tears say everything,” Jayce dried my eyes with the back of his hands. “Let me drop, or else your brother might think that I kidnap you,”

I smiled at words, holding his hands and walking to his car.