Anxiety Attack
Mandy
It was a new day, and from last night I’m trying so hard to not think about my conversation with Chris like I did. I made so many random assumptions as to what he was saying, or what he meant by those words. I grabbed my bag and walked out of my room, heading over to the front door to get to work on time, when I heard chatter from the walkway which led to Dad’s office. I took an immediate pause and tried to walk more quietly, so that my heels would expose my entrance and stopped them from spilling whatever gossip it was.
“Do you think he’s the one?” I heard Dad’s voice clearly now, while I stood behind the walk, quietly listening without making known my presence.
” Maybe, but he looks a bit familiar or I might be mistaken,” Dad added, looking closely at something on his phone.
“But that shouldn’t be our major concern, Rodgers. We should be worried about the decision Mandy’s going to take about the child. What if she chooses to get rid of it? I mean everyone can tell she seems happy married to work, instead of getting an actual life?” Mom said now…
“And whose fault is that, huh?” It must be a trait she got from her mother,” he said and I could hear my mom scoffing right away.
“My fault? A trait from me? You must be kidding, cause need not I remind you that you were the one that pushed her to go harder cause you wanted to feel the void that she wasn’t a male child like you’ve wanted,” she screamed at him, and I could feel the vibration on the ground when she said that. My eyes watered, but I raised my head up quickly, using my palms to blow air into my eyes and stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.
“That’s not true Amelia, I didn’t feel any void, I didn’t push our daughter,” he said, his voice breaking, which made me release a deep breath and closed my eyes…
“Now she’s our daughter, I thought she was mine alone,” Mom said this time I heard heels approaching the door, and I quickly moved away and ran to the front door.
“Ma’am?” The driver called out…
“Give me the keys, I’ll drive myself to work today,” I said and grabbed the keys from his hands aggressively, leaving him standing there confused.
I drove up with speed, until I got to a coffee shop, a little distance from the office, when I began to feel all the emotions swarm onto me like that.
I felt my lungs lose their breath, and my body started to shake. I felt so suffocated that I had to open the windows of the car. My heart was racing and I could feel myself getting so close to a breakdown. The whole place shook slowly in front of me and I could tell I was having an anxiety attack.
I shut my eyes and tried to breathe in and out slowly while counting the numbers but none of it was working out, and it only seemed to get worse.
“No no no… Not now.. not here.. please,” I squeeze my clothes, taking in a deep breath and releasing it almost immediately, while my body is still shaking.
“Mandy..,” I called out my name, one hand tapping my chest, the other using my nails to dig through my palms, hoping the pain calms the anxiety, but none of it worked.
I tried reaching out to my phone when I heard someone call out my name, I turned my head around to stare at the person with my eyes already welled up with tears when I noticed it was Chris.
“Are you okay,” he said but I turned my head away, praying silently that I got better before he knew about my situation. But unfortunately, I could hear the other door jammed and I could smell his cologne beside me.
“Hey, you’re okay? Just breathe,” I heard his soothing voice say, and instantly felt his hands around mine. At that moment I felt my whole body become calm, and I started to wail in my seat when I felt him pull me into a hug, letting me cry on his shoulders…
We stayed that way for what felt like ten minutes and in that moment I enjoyed his warmth. I was grateful that there was someone who comforted me. I even gladly enjoyed the feeling of having him to be in his arms all wrapped up and protected like a princess should be. I definitely like this feeling, but then my subconscious had to ruin it all by reminding me of whose arm I was resting on…
“You feel better,” he asked with a gentle voice the moment I detach from his arm and sniffed in.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.
I tried to reach out for my handkerchief, and not look him in the eye, and probably hoped this wasn’t as embarrassing as I made it to be.
“Thank you, but you can get out of my car now,” I immediately said and used my fingers to clean my eyes, while staring at him like I didn’t behave like a little girl, a few seconds ago.
“Pardon?”
” You heard me get out,” my hands on the steering wheels, praying he leaves soonest before I break my boss mode act.
“Did I do something wrong Mandy,” he called my name, so sweetly that I felt this tingling sensation underneath my stomach.
” Oh f**k this man knows exactly what he’s doing,” I thought to myself.
“It’s Miss Rodgers or probably boss to you. So don’t let me repeat myself again, Chris,” I said without sparing him any glance but staring right in front of the steering wheel.
“Fine, I’ll leave if that’s what you want. But just so you know everyone has anxiety and it doesn’t make them any less,” he said like I told him I needed a sermon…
“Not everyone has anxiety,” I responded the moment he left and jammed the door, before driving off.
I didn’t go too far, when I heard my phone ring, making me step on the brake and halt the car immediately.
“Why is Mom calling me?” I sighed and rubbed my chest, trying to not give in to my overthinking, and slid the green button…
“Mandy…,” She called, her voice coming off joyous and calm, giving me a sense of relief immediately.
“Who’s the guy on the net my love, is he the one? Is he my son-in-law? The father of your child? Are you both dating?” Her questions were all strange to me, and I couldn’t understand the direction she was coming from…
“What..,” I simply said…
“Come on baby, I know it was you in the video even if it didn’t seem obvious, you dress from work here, and I could tell it was you,” she added, giggling this time and I cracked my head so hard to match the pieces of what she was saying…
“What video?” I asked genuinely…
“Stop playing dumb, it’s the video the company posted on social yesterday… I mean not only was it trendy, but it also had new hashtags and so many speculations keeping the company on the most trendy search…” My phone fell off my hands when she said the company socials, I could hear words but I couldn’t comprehend anything she said again, cause my mind pointed to one very video, one I dreaded from being posted…