Kissing The Wind

I could not understand Rogie sometimes.

“Go in the middle!” he shouted. The volume of the music grew louder so he had to shout.

“I don’t want to,” I refused.

He smirked. “You don’t want to?”

My eyes widened as Rogie pulled me into the middle. The memory of last year’s Christmas party flashed through my mind so I struggled from his hold. “I don’t want to, Rogie. I don’t want!” I refused again.

He tightened his grip and pulled me further into the center of the classroom. I harshly pulled my wrist back that my juice in pack fell on the floor. “Rogie!” I rebuked him and pulled myself together.

“You should be there in the middle, joining the crowd! I want you to dance in the middle!” he shouted.

I thought my classmates nearby heard what Rogie had shouted so they looked at us while the others were busy dancing. They started clapping as they watched me still struggling under Rogie’s tight grip.

A cold feeling ran down my spine when I heard their applause. That’s also what I heard last year. They applauded me as if I were a comedian entertaining them. I did not want to experience that humiliation again!

I wanted to cry but I did not want them to see me crying.

Rogie finally pulled me right in the middle of the classroom. My heart was throbbing fast when I felt how ridiculous the stares of my classmates were. Often they smiled at me as if waiting for what I would do next.

But then, Rogie commanded me. “You should dance, Sydnee. Dance!”

My vision became blurred. I could no longer stop the trail of tears from my cheeks. Even though Mama hurt and always humiliated me in front of our relatives back then, I never felt the kind of shame I felt during this time.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

Over the years, I appeared strong and unaffected but only that night that everything they had done to me had sunk into my realization. All the embarrassment, annoyance, and sadness came together so I couldn’t stop sobbing. I covered my face with both hands and cried.

The music coming from the large speakers was still loud and that gave me comfort because I knew they could not hear my faint sobs.

“Sydnee!” Rogie roared, annoyed.

I stood up straight at his front and looked up at him. He was shocked to see me crying. “I don’t want to dance!” I cried. “Don’t treat me like an animal, Rogie!”

I covered my face again and cried. I felt Rogie touch and hold my wrist again and pull me towards the exit. I sobbed and bowed my head. I quietly cried. As we walked farther away, the music that’s coming from the classroom became faint.

Soon, Rogie stopped walking. I could faintly hear the music from where I was standing so I was sure we were outside the school building and away from other people. It was at that moment that I dared to look up. I saw Rogie’s back. He was still holding my wrist so I cleared my throat and called him. “Rogie.”

He turned to me. He slid his hand holding my wrist down to my hand. He put something in my hand and said nothing. He then leaves without saying anything. I frowned at what he had put on my hand.

I looked down. I saw a handkerchief and a photograph. When I put the photo under the light that’s coming from the nearby building, I saw my face smiling on the picture. That photo was taken when I was still a child. When the family I thought was perfect, was yet to collapse…

Rogie and I did not talk again after that night because there was no class the next morning. It was Christmas break. A vacation.

When I opened my eyes, the surrounding was still dark. I stared at the dark ceiling above and did not move. Even though my classmates treated me badly, I would rather go to school than spend my whole day at home. I did not want to stay inside the little hut because even before the rooster was crowing, I heard Mama’s angry voice outside my little room.

“Sydnee! Get up! You’re going to be lazy again!”

I slowly sat up from lying down. The surrounding was hot and cold. My vision was also spinning. Every time I move my head, the whole world turned upside down and my head hurts. It looked like I got a fever. I put the back of my hand on my forehead and I was not that hot. I guess I did not have a fever.

I got up from the floor I had made to sleep. I put away the blanket and pillow and then left the room. Mama was not in the living room and I thought she was outside, getting firewoods. The surroundings were still dark because the sun had not yet appeared in the east. I think it’s only three in the morning. The dew entered the house at dawn. I even hugged myself when I felt the cold.

“Sydnee!” I heard her shouting outside the house.

“I’m awake!” I also shouted back so she could hear me.

Then, I could no longer hear a shout from outside the house so I just assumed that she heard me. I decided to go to the kitchen to cook rice and a dish. Mom said last night that she will go to work early today, so maybe that’s the reason why she was shouting earlier than daybreak. I was thankful that our neighbors were awake too at the first crow of the rooster because I could not think of what will happen when they would be awakened by Mama’s loud cry.

After I prepared breakfast I went back to the room to get a towel, but Mama called me to wash the dirty clothes. She sent me to the back of the house because the laundry was there. It was even dark outside and still full of fog. The dew was a little thin near the house but thicker in the distance. Maybe because it had rained so hard last night so there was too much fog at dawn.

After a few hours of washing, I hang the newly washed clothes. I could not hear Mama’s scream anymore so I assumed that she was gone to work already. The sun was slowly rising in the east and the surroundings became brighter every passing minute. I think it was already five o’clock in the morning.

I went back inside the house and smiled as the heat engulfed my body. Earlier, I was shivering outside but I washed the clothes early so that I would have nothing to do later.

I planned to go to one of our neighbors for laundry. I would use the money I’ll get from the laundry for fares or to buy some things for school projects in case there’s some. Christmas break was a good vacation too. I had a lot of time to earn a living and if I was lucky enough, I could raise money to buy school supplies for the next school year.

Nothing special happened that day. I was the only one left in the house all day long, and I was glad that Mama had not come home yet. I knew that it was bad to be happy about it, but when Mama’s around, I could not rest myself for a bit because she had so many orders and she would not run out for things to nag at me.