In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

We are in the car back. It is disgusting to imagine what they were doing here. I see Yan look at me through the mirror and ignore it.

Sarah asks me:

“Did Owen treat you badly?”

Does she know him? Did she ask him to talk to me? I just answer:

“No, he was very kind. I’m just a little tired from the trip.”

She smiles and concludes:

“I knew it. He’s a nice guy.”

Yan doesn’t seem to like what he hears. He looks at me once more and again I ignore him as best I can.

…

He leads Sarah to the door and they kiss. It’s horrible to have to watch this. I don’t know why I don’t close my eyes and just stand here torturing myself looking at it.

Yan told me to get in the front seat. I regretted it, not only for seeing that scene but also for the awkward silence we now find ourselves in on our way to the hotel.

The streets are quiet and as soon as we stop at a red light, Yan looks at me and asks:

“Why did you come all the way here? ”

This takes me by surprise, mainly because I can see in his eyes that he didn’t want me to do this. I ignore the pain burning inside and in my throat and say:

“I thought the fact that I was here was already an answer.”

He runs a hand through his hair. He looks frustrated. He doesn’t look at me when he says:

“You said you preferred my brother a thousand times over me. So I thought you were running after him all this time. So I insist, what are you doing here?”

This is painful to hear, especially from him. He is panting when the signal opens.

I don’t have much to argue with. I want to say that I’ve discovered that I love him, but that sounds so stupid now, even in my thoughts. I want to cry too, but I won’t do it in front of him.

I want to forget the pain that overwhelms me and answer him, but the car stops, and I realize that we are standing in front of the hotel. He stands for a while with his head against the seat, his eyes closed.

A while later he opens his eyes, looks at me, and says:

“We need to talk.”

We take the elevator and arrive at my room without exchanging a word. I am standing in front of him as he closes the door.

He begins:

“Do you have any idea how I have felt this whole time?”

I just look in his direction, he needs to tell me these things, or he will explode, I can feel it.

He continues:

“You said you hated me and wanted me away from you. You broke up with me Sky!”

He takes a deep breath and I can see now how much I have hurt him. He continues:

“Now you come in here like everything is fine. How did you want me to react?”

I venture to say:Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

“I thought you loved me.”

He runs his hands through his hair and takes another deep breath:

“The day I met Sarah, I was getting drunk at a bar because I couldn’t get you out of my head and all those things you said to me and you know what she did?”

He pauses and continues:

“She came to talk to me. I guess I didn’t treat her that well, but she didn’t care. She just kept ongoing. And she made a joke.”

He laughs, but his eyes are watering and he continues:

“It wasn’t a very good joke, but I laughed. For the first time in many days, I had found something funny. But then I found out a few days later, that her mother had died in a car accident two days before she spoke to me. She saw me sad and didn’t think twice about cheering me up, even though she was dying inside.”

A tear falls from his eye, but he quickly wipes it away.

I am crying now because I think I know what he is getting at.

We stare at each other for a while. Then I say:

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through, I know I was selfish in everything, especially coming here and…”

I burst into tears. Then I continue:

“I don’t want to mess that up.”

He says:

“Do you understand?”

I shake my head affirmatively and say:

“You can’t start everything the wrong way again.”

He looks at me for a while longer.

I just say:

“Sarah is a nice girl.”

He smiles, not in my favorite way, but he smiles.

He is about to open the door to leave, but I say:

“I just need to tell you something.”

He turns around, I cry, and continue:

“If I don’t tell you why I came here, I swear I feel like I’m going to die.”

He looks at me intently and I say:

“I love you, Yan.”

I start to sob and complete:

“I have always loved you.”

He seems surprised to hear this, and the next thing I know he is hugging me. Tight. And for a long time. And I close my eyes to keep this moment in my memory because this is the most I will ever get from him.

He pulls away and walks out the door. I sit down on the floor. And I cry even more.

Well, it wasn’t the best trip of my life and it’s far from being my favorite, but that’s behind me.

Yan is behind me.

It’s pretty clear to me that he made a choice, he chose her. I don’t blame him, I think deep down I know that I deserved it.

I did what I was supposed to do and what I planned to do on this trip, the problem was that it didn’t turn out the way I planned.

I don’t want to go home now. Since I have everything settled for a fortnight, I will change the course of things and spend a few days at Katie’s house.

…

“Would you like some hot chocolate?”

I smile to thank Katie who is entering the room.

“You’ll be fine Sky. It’ll pass in time.”

“I know it won’t, I can’t even stop smelling him on my clothes.”

But I know that in the company of my best friend, things will get better for me.

…

One week later.

It is Saturday morning and I am going to Katie’s family’s country home.

Countryside, forests, rivers, this will be nice for me. I’m not even bringing a phone to disconnect from the world.

“You know I can’t go until tomorrow morning Sky.”

“All right, we’ll wait for you there.”

I leave smiling and get in the car along with Carol, Katie’s younger sister.

Carol loves to paint pictures and does this while I sunbathe by the Lake. I didn’t want to think about Yan and how I wanted him here, but I still can’t forget him for a second.

I take another deep breath and even that reminds me of him.

…

It is Sunday morning and Katie arrives with her boyfriend Oliver.

She greets everyone and looks at me strangely before saying hello.

…

We are near the lake when she says:

“You won’t believe who called me last night.”

My heart races with anticipation.

“Yan?”

She shakes her head affirmatively. I end up smiling and then getting sad. I question, still feeling hurt to hear his name:

“What did he want?”

His phone number.

” And?”

“I gave it to him. But then he called and I found his phone in his room. I answered and told him to leave a message and I’d give it to you today.”

She hands me the phone. I go to voice mail and listen to what he says.