Hot Night With My Professor

“Where are you going, Miss Alvandra?” he asked when he saw me coming out of his class.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

“None of your business.”

I walked past him but he grabbed my hand to stop me from going away.

“You’re not leaving. Come inside or else…”

I swallowed in anxiety and slowly turned to him. “Or else?”

“Or else I’ll do something you wouldn’t like.”

I sighed as I brought myself to enter the room again. I rushed to my seat and sat down.

I kept sighing as I watched Ismael teach, as if he were unaffected by what was happening in his career. I can’t help feeling sorry for him and seeing the goodness he has. All he did was discipline me but this is what I did in return. I feel so guilty.

“Class dismissed. Miss Alvandra, come to my office.”

I closed my eyes again when he called my name in front of the class. What would others think of him, as he always asks me to go to him after class? They’ll be suspicious. Is he really ruining his career?

“Good luck, Jothea. Professor Mondalla seems really mad. Be kind,” one of my classmates commented while shaking his head.

“Maybe his anger will be heaped on you because of the issues about him. Poor you,” added another, which caused my forehead to furrow.

“Miss Alvandra, do I have to tell you twice to come to me?”

I was shaken by Ismael’s voice so I took action and followed him. It was real; he was angry. Is this because of his issues? It seems that anger will be heaped on me.

I was biting my lips while playing with my nails nervously. He opened the door of his office for me and when I entered after him, he closed it.

“Sit down.”

I obeyed his order without appealing. I was sitting there, waiting for him. I was about to ask him what he wanted and why he asked me to be there when a hand lifted my chin and his lips claimed mine.

I hadn’t reacted immediately when I realized Ismael was kissing me deeply. Aggressive. His making me run out of breath and blending his saliva with mine like it were an alcoholic drink induces intoxication in me. But I don’t feel his annoyance at kissing me. What is this?

I grabbed his arm and responded. But in a snap, I remember that this is wrong. I tried to push him away and when I looked into his eyes, they were all weary and tired.

“What are you doing? Why did you do that?” I asked while frowning. I’m not upset about what he did; I’m upset because I feel like he has a big problem that he’s trying to conceal, even though it’s my fault.

He did not answer me; instead, he went in front of the window to observe the outside. I sighed.

“If there’s no reason why you called me, I’d better leave,” I chanted as I stood up but his words stopped me.

“What are you doing to me?” he said firmly before turning to me. “What are you doing to me, Miss Alvandra?”

I blinked several times to find the answer to his question but first of all, what am I doing to him to answer that?

“What am I doing to you?” I repeated his question to me.

“Definitely. That’s the question. What are you doing to me, Miss Alvandra?” He shouted, which scared me. I thought his screaming in class earlier was scary; now it’s scarier up close. My hands were shaking. It was not a long time ago when we used to share a night; now we’re arguing like we’re something. Anyway, there’s no string attached when we do that and it prickles my heart with horror.

“I don’t know! I’m sorry! This is all my fault. Everything would have been different if I hadn’t been the fool who asked you to spend the night with me. You won’t be in this position where you will face a lot of issues and become the reason for your dismissal. I know I wanted this to happen before but now it has not. I am sorry if this thing happened. It’s all because of me. I’m sorry, P-professor…”

My voice broke and I couldn’t stop crying in front of him. I remembered again the hurtful words I heard from my classmates. That’s how quickly they changed their view of this teacher when it was really my fault. Ismael is the victim here. It was me who asked him for a night. It was me who had a desire for him to satisfy my hunger for lust-to get away from the heartache temporarily.

“I promised I wouldn’t bother you again. I’ll try my best to disappear from your sight.”

I turned my back on him and was holding the doorknob when he spoke again.

“And what would you do? Drop my subject? Drop out of this university?”

I closed my eyes. So this is his real problem. Even if I didn’t ask him, what he was hiding came out. It was because he was worried about his position here at this university. He kissed me because he wanted me to be aware of what I had done.

“If the situation calls for it, why not?”

I finally left his office. I heard him calling me but I didn’t listen to him anymore.

Honestly, I don’t even know what I should do. I don’t feel like I’m ready to let go of my last year at university. I know I messed up. What I wanted first was for him to vanish and it doesn’t matter to me if I don’t graduate but my selfish self wants to see him every day now, despite the fact that I just told him that I would disappear from his sight. I do not know!

What do I really want? I need time to think!

*****

Days passed and I still couldn’t decide what to do. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t know the day anymore. I went to the class and sat at the back. I put my head on my desk and tried to sleep, even though I could sense that students were continuously coming in since the class was about to begin. I don’t care. I still need to figure out a lot of things. Should I drop out of his subject? Would that be enough? Or should I just drop out of this university? Because if I don’t leave here, I feel like I’ll hurt him even more. Should I just not attend the class or should I talk to our dean?

“Miss, are you alright?”