Find Me Alastar

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me, Alastar!”

“Fine!” he yells.

He picks his keys up from the table and storms out the front door, slamming it shut behind him.

My eyes stay glued to the back of the door that he just left through. I am shocked to my core.

I rush to the window to see him get into his car and speed down the street in first gear, leaving me

with my heart hammering in my chest. I can’t believe this.

He left me alone in his house and drove away. I slide down the wall to sit on the floor in the silence,

unable to hold the sobs in a minute longer.

Then, I begin to howl.

I sit on my window seat and sketch in my drawing pad using a lead pencil. It’s late at night and the cityNôvelDrama.Org exclusive content.

lights twinkle away below. Every now and then I find myself just staring into space… thinking of him.

Remembering our beautiful time together. If I was with him now we would be naked, lying by the open

fire in each other’s arms, talking about our day, and I smile at the thought.

Then reality hits home. He’s probably in someone else’s arms right now in front of the very same fire

we made love in front of.

Well played, Alastar. Well played.

You seduced me with your body, captivated me with your personality, and made me fall in love with

your soul.

I have no one to blame but myself. If I had been more experienced with men, I would have seen it

coming. I smile sadly to myself. I did see this coming, but, like a Tsunami, I couldn’t stop it. He was just

too beautiful.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Liam and our relationship since the demise of my relationship with

Alastar.

Karma… that’s what this is.

Liam loved me.

He loved me, and like a flake, I fell out of love with him, but only because I was bored with my life.

Adults don’t get bored with their lives. They fix, they persevere, they work hard on it.

I was weak. Why didn’t I fight harder?

He was trying to save money for our future so that we could have our own house, so that we could

provide for our kids, and yet it wasn’t enough to hold me. Only now that my heart is splattered like an egg

do I feel such a deep remorse that I hurt someone so deeply. If I feel this sad after a few weeks with

Twinkle, how must Liam have felt after all those years with me? My mind goes back to the times when I

was messaging Mark behind Liam’s back and I feel nothing but shame. How could I have done that to

him?

I deserve to feel this low and I definitely don’t deserve for Liam to still be my friend, so who knows

why he is?

He went and visited Mum and Dad the other day to tell them he has started seeing someone else.

That’s Liam. Honorable.

Unlike me.

I hope she’s good enough for him. One thing I know for sure is that I wasn’t.

He deserved so much better.

I continue to draw on my notepad as I lick the Nutella from my spoon. It’s my comfort food. This

breakup is going to cost me ten pounds on my behind, but I don’t give a shit because I’m quite happy never

showing anyone my behind ever again.

Love is overrated.

The days have turned into weeks.

The nights are blurred with the days.

I’ve lost all perspective.

I’ve lost all hope of Alastar ever coming back.

He’s gone forever.

Work is mundane and everyone is pissing me of to the point where their lives are in danger and if I get

served one more bad cup of coffee someone is going down.

I wish I were joking. I visualize myself grabbing the coffee girl in a headlock at the café and gouging

her eyes out with my teaspoon, forcing her to make my coffee right.

I waited all my life to fall in love. Now, I am alone, heartbroken and away from my parents. I want my

mum.

I want her to tell me that everything is going to be all right, that tomorrow I am going to wake up and

not feel like … like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

I miss him.

Every day I miss him and every day I hate myself for it.

“Have you got the directions?” I ask the photographer.

He glances at me from his seat behind the wheel and smiles cheekily. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

I smirk, bouncing up and down as we go over bumps in his pick-up truck. “Totally.” I smirk.