Contract Marriage: I’ve Always Loved You

Grace’s P. O. V.

Flashback (The morning after my last sexual encounter with Steve)

As I wake up in Steve’s arms, the realisation hits me hard that this will be the last time I wake up to his loving embrace and savour the intoxicating scent of his presence. I hold him a little tighter, as if trying to freeze this moment in time.

I have no clue why I feel a heaviness in my heart; our relationship was destined to end one day.

I’m gazing at Steve’s face, not even blinking my eyes. It’s hard to explain, but tears start welling up as I think that this might be the last time I see him up close. The last time.

I just wish I could freeze this moment for a few more seconds. Just a few more.

What’s happening to me? Why this sudden uneasiness? Why?

Maybe it’s because I did wrong with Steve. I can’t deny that it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. So this uneasiness, this feeling I’m going through is because I did wrong with him, with his father. I played with his father’s trust, knowingly or unknowingly.

I have to make things right before leaving. Yes.

I exhale a deep breath and gently disentangle myself from Steve’s embrace, careful not to wake him. Giving him another glance, I get up from the bed and then retrieve the divorce papers from the drawer, which I’ve already signed.

Following that, I take out a letter that I wrote for Dad. I want to make things right before leaving the house because I’ve realised that I was so wrong to force Steve into marrying me by manipulating his father.

After getting ready, I place the letter outside Dad’s room, then I return to Steve’s room.

“Goodbye, Mr. Steve Grey. I’m sure you’ll have a great life without me.” As I lean in to kiss his forehead, tears trickle down my cheeks.

Even after writing the letter and leaving it in front of Dad’s room, why do I still feel so uneasy after seeing Steve? Why?

After pressing my lips on his forehead, I wipe my tears, compose myself, and head out with the luggage.

However, as I pause in the doorway and turn around, the room unfolds memories of the three months we shared. All the flashbacks play in front of my eyes: the way he drew me close in anger, the stolen glances, the way he kissed my lips standing beside the bed, and the passion we shared in every corner of this room.

The emotions tied to these memories are overwhelming, and it feels like I can’t escape them.

“I’m leaving him but taking so many memories with me,” I murmur, wiping away tears that trace down my cheeks.

Last time, staring at Steve with a painful smile on my face, I leave the room, ignoring the heaviness in my chest.

***

When I reach my father’s mansion and confess the truth to him that I entered into a three-month marriage contract with Steve, he shuts me up with a tight slap.

“Grace, I always listened to you, never stopped you from doing anything. And you? You deceived me. I just don’t want to see your face.” As he yells at me, I shed silent tears, my hand placed on my cheek, and my eyes glued to the floor.

I sob, “Dad-”

“Just get lost, Grace, if you don’t want me to throw you out.” He stands, turning his back to me.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t want to hurt you-”

Before I can complete my sentence, he turns towards me, grabs my arm, and drags me out of the mansion.

“Dad, I’m your daughter. Please forgive me.” I cry out as he hurls me out of the mansion with my luggage.

He gives me a last disappointed look, his eyes ablaze with fury, before shutting the door in my face.

I feel so broken. I can’t even blame anybody because I spoiled my life with my own hands.

***

After booking a room in a hotel, I reached there. I slump down on the bed and stare at the ceiling, feeling empty.

Why does my heart ache as if something precious has been lost?

The room is suffused with a profound silence, and my thoughts echo louder than ever. The events of the past few months replay in my mind, and I already miss Steve.

To escape the haunting silence of the hotel room, I get ready and decide to visit a nightclub, hoping to drown out my thoughts and clear my mind.

However, as the music pulses around me and the vibrant lights flash, I find myself feeling detached from everything.

I try hard to lose myself in the rhythm of the music, hoping it will silence the echoes of my past choices. Yet, no matter how loud the beats, the ache in my heart remains.

The atmosphere that once brought me a sense of liberation now intensifies my feelings of emptiness. I stand amidst the crowd, but a profound loneliness surrounds me. The pulsating beats of the music only amplify the silence echoing within.

As my eyes fall on the bar counter, memories of our first meeting flash before me like scenes from a movie. We’re both sitting at the bar counter, and I remember the way he pulled my chair towards himself, his fingers delicately brushing against my thighs.

“You’re the first girl who has ever caught my attention.” His words echo in my ear and a smile graces my face. I’m reliving the moment as if it is unfolding before my eyes.

“Just cut the crap and tell me, your place or my place?” I recall my bold words, followed by his swift response, “Right now, right here.” The memory intensifies as his lips capture mine, the sensation still lingering as I automatically touch my lips.

I return to reality when a man approaches me and tries to engage me in conversation, but I find myself unable to reciprocate. Instead, tears well up in my eyes because I’m consumed by the memory of Steve.

The man beside me notices my distress and tries to console me, but I excuse myself and flee the club.

A week passes, trying to numb the deep ache in my heart with temporary distractions. Yet, no matter where I go or what I do, the memories of time spent with Steve don’t leave me.

I also call off all the photoshoots because I just can’t handle pretending to be happy anymore. Every time I look through the lens, I see his eyes, and it only intensifies my longing.

I feel as if I lost myself, and it hurts. I feel like doing nothing. The hole in my heart is getting deeper with each passing day, and the sleepless nights are driving me insane.

I crave his presence next to me at night, the feel of his hands, the warmth of his kisses, the intensity of his gaze, the passionate connection that ignites our bond, and the all-consuming desire we share. He occupies every corner of my mind, creating an insatiable longing deep within me.

It’s during one of these nights that I realise the truth.

I am in love with Steve, and I can’t live without him.

When he was around me, I never realised this. Our separation was necessary to make me realise this.

The realisation hits me like a tidal wave, breaking down the walls I built around my emotions. All the puzzle pieces come together-the nights spent crying, the desperate search for temporary solace. The heartache isn’t just about losing myself; it’s about losing the person who became an important part of my life.

I can no longer deny the love that still exists within me, and I’ll confess it to him.

However, will he ever love the woman who creates havoc in his life?

Whatever! I’ll confess my feelings to him, and after that, it’ll be his decision.

***This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

The next day,

I muster the courage to visit Steve’s mansion, my heart throbbing with both fear and hope.

What if I’m making things worse? Is it selfish to impose my feelings on his life?

As I stand outside with doubts swirling in my mind, I freeze as I see Steve laughing and hugging another woman through the slightly ajar door.

My heart sinks, and the words I practised get stuck in my throat. I watch in silence, feeling disheartened.

At this moment, a realisation hits me – I’ve already caused too much trouble in Steve’s life. Maybe confessing my love will be a mistake. Maybe it’s best to let him find happiness without me.

I step back because the idea of revealing my feelings feels like adding more chaos to a life I’ve already disrupted.

As I walk away, I have a silent conversation with myself. “Grace, you’ve messed up enough. Maybe it’s time to let go and not make things worse for him.”

I leave with a broken heart, shedding silent tears.

As I reach back home, the scene of Steve laughing and embracing another woman plays on a loop in my mind. Hours pass, tears flow, and the pain in my chest intensifies.

I decide to visit the club once again, hoping the music and lights would be a temporary distraction from the ache in my heart.

As I immerse myself in the pulsating beats, a man approaches me. I agree to go with him to a quieter place, hoping to find a momentary release from the relentless ache.

However, as he comes closer, I’m overwhelmed by a surge of emotions. Steve’s face flashes in my mind, and I push the man away with all my strength.

My attempt to find solace only intensifies the longing for Steve.

At this moment, I realise that no amount of distraction can fill the void he left in my heart.

The club, the one-night stands, and the music that once brought me solace-now none of these can fill the void left by what I’ve lost.

After I return home, I receive a call from my friend, Elsa. I still haven’t told her anything.

However, as I answer her call, I can’t control my emotions and burst into tears. Between sobs, I pour out the pain that has been eating at me.

“Elsa, I’m falling apart. Everything is so messed up. I thought leaving Steve was the right choice, but now.” Sobbing, I continue, “Now I can’t bear the thought of losing him. I saw him with someone else, and it’s tearing me apart.”

Elsa listens patiently and comforts me. “Grace, sometimes we make decisions in the heat of the moment, and it takes time to realise the impact. If you still love him, maybe it’s worth trying to make amends.”

I sniffle, “But Elsa, I’ve already caused so much trouble. Maybe he’s better off without me.”

“If you have made your decision, then I can’t change it. However, you know that Grace how strong you are. You’ll be fine with time, and I’m here with you.”

“I can’t even explain how much it’s hurting me, Elsa.” I let out a cry, squeezing my eyes shut.

She reassures me, “It’s okay to feel hurt. I’m booking your ticket and tomorrow you’re coming to London because I can’t leave you alone in this condition.”

***

The next day,

I board a plane to London. The distance from the memories of Steve gives a glimmer of relief, and I hope for a chance to move on.

As I arrive at Elsa’s apartment, she welcomes me with a warm hug.

Then we settle down in the hall, and as we talk, I’m suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of dizziness and faint in her arms.

As I regain consciousness, she clasps my shoulders. “Grace, are you okay? What happened?”

I stammer, “I don’t know. Everything feels so overwhelming.”

Concern fills her eyes, and she suggests, “Let’s get you to a doctor. Maybe it’s just the stress, but we need to make sure you’re okay.”

A visit to the doctor confirms what I never expected-I’m pregnant with Steve’s baby.

The revelation takes my breath away. I can’t believe I’m carrying a piece of Steve within me.

I place my hand on my belly, and as I close my eyes, tears trickle down my cheeks.

“Grace, if you don’t want to go back to Steve’s life, I think you should abort the baby.” As she suggests, I glare at her.

“No, Elsa. I’ll never abort the baby because it is the only way I can stay connected to Steve. At least now I’ll have a part of him with me. Finally, I get a ray of hope to live my life again.” I share my decision to keep the baby with a smile on my face.

It’s surprising how my pregnancy news has become the source of my happiness, especially since I never envisioned myself desiring love, marriage, and a baby. I was different before meeting Steve. He changed me, and I like the person I have become. Now I’m not selfish.

“But don’t you think he deserves to know about your pregnancy?” Elsa’s words bring me back to the earth.

“He deserves to know, Elsa, but I can’t burden him with this responsibility. He’s moving on in his life, and he is happy without me. I can’t become selfish anymore.” I explain, for the first time keeping someone else above me.

Although I want him to be there with me during my pregnancy, I can’t tell him because I don’t want to snatch his happiness once again.