Xo Novel
Chapter 148
Kira
I stood there, frozen in shock, as Aston’s words fell out of his mouth. His eyes were locked on mine, and I felt like I was drowning in their depths. I had never seen him look at me like that before – with such intensity, such longing. It was as if he was seeing me for the first time, and it made my heart skip a beat. Several beats actually. My heart was beating out of control.
“I understand why you would want to run away from me,” he said, his voice low and dreamy. “But I’m done running away from you.” He took a step closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt a shiver run down my spine as he continued to speak.
“It’s you, Kira,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. “It has always been you. And I was a fool for treating you the way that I did.” He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe his own actions and honestly, I couldn’t believe them either.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was Aston really saying these things? Was he really looking at me like that? I felt like I was dreaming, like this was all just some fantasy that I would wake up from soon.
“Aston, I…” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Don’t say anything, Kira,” he said, his voice gentle. “Just listen. I know I’ve hurt you, and I don’t expect you to forgive me right away. But I want you to know that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it right,
I felt a lump form in my throat as I looked at him. I didn’t know what to say, or how to react: All I knew was that I couldn’t look away from him and the look he was giving me was causing serious puddles between my thighs. I knew too well that
wasn’t going to be able to make good decisions with my brain all foggy and my heart beating like a drum. I knew that from past experience.
“Aston, I…” I tried again trying and failing to be firm this time but he just shook his head.
“Please, Kira,” he said. “Just listen. I need you to know how I feel.”
And with that, he took another step closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt like I was melting under his gaze, like I was being consumed by him, by his stare, by his voice, by his smell.
“Kira, from the moment I met you, I knew you were different,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. “I knew you were special. But I was too blind to see it. I was too caught up in my own fears and doubts and I blamed you for something that wasn’t even your fault.”
He took another step closer, his intense gaze threatening to set me on fire.
“But I see it now,” he said. “I see how much I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for not seeing you sooner.”
I took a step back, trying to create some distance between us so I could cleanse my thoughts. Aston’s words were making me feel lightheaded, and I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t know what had come over him, but I knew he wasn’t thinking clearly. His brother’s betrayal had probably hit him harder than I thought, and now he was spilling his heart out to me like a drunken confession.
“Aston, I think you’ve had too much to drink,” I said, trying to sound calm and rational even though I knew he hadn’t drank anything. It just made more sense to think that he was drunk and just spilling nonsense.
He shook his head, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’m perfectly fine, Kira,” he said, his voice low and husky, sending shivers down my spine. “I’m just finally seeing things clearly.”
I raised an eyebrow, sceptical. “Clearly?” I repeated. “You’re not making any sense, Aston. You’re just saying things you don’t mean.”
He took another step closer to me and at this point, I just wanted him to stay still, his eyes burned with intensity. “I’m making perfect sense, Kira,” he said. “I’m finally realizing what’s been right in front of me all along. I’ve been blind, Kira. Blind to what’s really important.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine as he spoke. His words were making me feel things I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to get sucked into his vortex of emotions again. I had been there before, and it had left me scarred,
“Aston, stop,” I said, trying to sound firm. “Just stop. You’re not thinking straight, and I don’t want to hear it.”
But he didn’t stop. He kept talking, his words spilling out of him like a river. “Kira, I know I’ve hurt you,” he said, “I know I’ve been a fool. But I’m asking you to forgive me. I’m asking you to give me another chance”
I felt my heart skip more beats as he spoke. I didn’t know what to say, or how to react. All I knew was that I couldn’t keep going through this cycle with Aston. It was always the same good, bad, bad, bad, and then good again. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed stability, not this rollercoaster of emotions.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.
I tried to run out of the room, but Aston caught my arm and spun me back around. “I’ll leave instead,” he said, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and determination. “And I know it’s not going to make up for all the horrible things that I’ve done to you, but as of today, you cease to be a maid.”
His words made me feel a surge of anger, and I couldn’t understand why. Maybe it was because I felt like he was trying to buy me off, like he thought that by giving me my freedom, he could erase all the pain and humiliation he had caused me.
“Yes, Aston,” I spat, my voice trembling with rage. “It won’t make up for anything. I have lost every shred of dignity I have left because of you. The whole kingdom knows me as a slave. Filthy men have seen what I look like without clothes on thanks to you.”
I felt a lump form in my throat as I spoke, and I could feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I was so angry, so hurt, and I didn’t know how to process it all.
“I would much rather prefer you killed me,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “At least I wouldn’t die of shame., At least I wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge of what you’ve done to me.”
Aston’s face went white, and he looked like he had been punched. “Kira, I…” he started to say, but I cut him off.
“No, Aston,” I said, my voice firm. “You’ve said enough. Just leave me alone. Leave me to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. Leave me to try and rebuild what’s left of my dignity.”
I pulled my arm out of his grasp and turned to run out of the room again. But this time, he didn’t stop me. He just stood there, watching me go.
I stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. I was still fuming from my conversation with Aston even though hours had gone by. But as I paced back and forth across the room, I realized that my anger wasn’t just about Aston’s apology. It was about my own reaction to it.
I had accepted his apology, at least in my head. And that made me angrier than anything else. I hated that I didn’t hate him as much as I ought to. I hated that I still cared about him, despite everything he had done to me.
“Why do I still care about him?” I muttered to myself, throwing my hands up in frustration. “He’s hurt me so much, and yet I still worry about him. I still think about him, even when I don’t want to.”
I stopped pacing and looked around my room, feeling trapped and helpless. I didn’t know how to escape the hold Aston had over me. I didn’t know how to stop thinking about him, how to stop caring about him.
“I’m so stupid,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m so weak.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door. It was that one maid again.
“Kira, are you okay?” she asked, looking concerned. “You’ve been locked in here for hours.”
I nodded, trying to compose myself. “I’m fine,” I said. “Just a little…upset.” I don’t know why I said anything.
The maid nodded sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
But I just shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
“Just leave me alone,” I said, turning away.
The maid looked like she wanted to say something else, but she just nodded and left, closing the door behind her. I was alone once again, left to my thoughts and my anger and my frustration.