BREAKING POINT

It was fully five minutes before she remembered that Jeremy had told her that he would stay at his club with some friends while she was away. The relief that followed this recollection attacked her physically. She wept and then laughed and felt the well remembered nausea creeping over her. For once she did not mind… Now that she remembered why Jeremy was not in the house.

When she recovered, she picked up her phone and called him. He didn’t pick up so she called his office. His assistant told her that he had just left the office but  couldn’t tell her where Jeremy had gone.

Penny hung up, wondering. Jeremy did not expect her until tomorrow. It seemed unlikely that he would return to the flat at six o’clock. Usually he arrived back around seven. He must be at his club then.

She called his club and was told that Jeremy was dining at the Savoy. Hating herself for being suspicious, Penny asked, “Was he alone when he left the club?”

“Oh yes, Madam. I had to get a taxi for him as he didn’t use his car. I’m sure of that”

“Thank you” Penny said. “I’m sorry to have bothered you”

Relief surged through her again but this time there was no nausea. She laughed aloud and gathered Benny into her arms.

“I will surprise him” she told the little spaniel. “I will wear my long blue dinner dress… The one Jeremy likes best… And join him for dinner. Oh Benny, in half an hour, I will be with your daddy”

She dropped the puppy into a chair, and ran to the bathroom to turn on the tap.

—————–

The head waiter looked at the beautiful dark haired girl with unconcealed admiration. Accustomed to seeing well dressed, fashionable young ladies, he was nevertheless shaken from his usual imperturbability by the almost breath taking perfection of the one standing in the doorway. He hurried towards her.

Penny wore a midnight blue dinner dress, cut fashionably high at the neck and waisted with sequins. Her hair was swept smoothly on the top of her head. Her weeks illness had thinned her cheeks, giving an illusion of larger eyes and wider mouth. She was gazing round her with happy expectancy, knowing she was looking her best and glowing outwardly in anticipation of Jeremy’s surprise welcome.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“Madam?” a voice said.

She brought her eyes back from the crowded restaurant to the Italian waiter who spoke to her.

“I think Mr Jeremy Gilbert has a table booked here tonight….”

“Certainly, madam. Over there. Will you come this way, please?”

Penny looked across his shoulder in the direction he indicated, caught sight of Jeremy’s profile turned half way, turned so that he could speak to the girl who was sitting beside him.

The unexpected sight of the girl struck every other thought from Penny’s mind. Impressions came and went but were only half realized, afterwards she remembered that the girl had long, fair hair, that she wore a white dress, that Jeremy had laughed suddenly at something she had said. But for the moment, she could feel only surprise.

“Madam?”

The carefully concealed impatience now in the waiter’s  voice restarted her train of thought.

‘I can’t go over to them, Jeremy would be embarrassed. So would I. I must get out of here. I must get out… Quickly’ she thought

“I see Mr Gilbert has a guest” she said with attempted lightness. “I won’t disturb him. Where is the ladies room please”

“On the right, madam. Good night madam”

He shrugged his shoulders. The lady had changed her mind… Well, it was the privilege of beautiful women to do so if they wished. Nevertheless.. A pity! Such a face! Such a figure!

Penny leaned against the door of the ladies room, as wave after wave of nausea left her weak and shaking. She felt so sick that she could not care about anything else at all.. Even Jeremy. All she wanted now was to be back in her flat… In bed… In peace.

She felt too ill to mind the curious gaze of the attendant.

‘She probably thinks I’m drunk’ Penny told herself. ‘And i wish I were. I wish I were dead, dead drunk’

Ten minutes later, she felt sufficiently covered to take a taxi home. She paid the fare and stood in the mews watching the red light at the back of the car disappear round the corner, her knees shaking. The few steps up to her door required strenuous exertion and when she slipped the key into the lock, she was too exhausted even to bend down to pat Benny who had rushed to the door to welcome her, barking in delight.

‘I’m ill again’ she thought wildly. ‘I should have listened to Joey. He said my journey would be too much for me. Now I’m sick and I’m all alone’

Tears of weakness welled into her eyes and poured over, slipping down her cheeks in thin, salt streams. Benny jumped on the bed and licked at her furiously, making her all the more sorry for herself. The tears became soft gulps, then sobs, and as Penny gave way to her misery with a savage satisfaction she cried hysterically and uncontrollably, her head buried against her bare arms.

Against the noise of her weeping, she relieved the long journey back here. The effort of bathing and dressing, the long cold wait for another taxi to take her to the Savoy, finally the ghastly moment when she had caught sight of Jeremy and his guest.

Abruptly she ceased crying and sat up so that she could think more clearly. Jeremy had been dining with a girl… A pretty blonde girl in a white dress…. Who was she? Who was she? Had he been out with her before? Perhaps every night since he had left Cornwall…

Penny clenched her hands, digging her carefully lacquered fingernails into her soft palms. She was jealous… Revolting bitingly jealous. Jeremy was hers, hers, hers, and no other woman should have him. He was her fiancé, her lover, and she carried his child in her womb.

The thought of her pregnancy sobered her. She placed her hands across her abdomen searching, feeling, finding nothing. Yet somewhere inside her was Jeremy’s child… The reason for her nausea. Somewhere inside was the cause of all her anxiety, all her misery. And Jeremy was out enjoying himself with another woman. A pretty blonde girl who made him laugh.