Accepting My Twin Mates

Chapter 35

Accepting My Twin Mates Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35 – MY PROBLEM?

Badru

I trudged back alongside Evie, a step behind her. She hadn’t looked at me once or spoken a word.

“Evie? I really am sorry,” I tried to apologise again and reach out for her hand. She snatched it away as soon as my finger brushed her palm.

All I was met with was more silence. She didn’t growl or glance back to glare at me. It was as though I didn’t exist. I didn’t like this type of anger. Her scowls, her threats and her borderline murderous rage, I adored. It was a playful anger. This type was filled with a quiet sadness and I was the cause, again.

f**k! I had been doing so well! Astennu had said it wasn’t a race between us; it was easy for him to say that. Evie was already swooning all over him. I wanted the same, so badly. As soon as the words fell out of my mouth, I knew something was amiss. In my head, I thought the words sounded ‘sexy and slick’, and showed her just how much I wanted her. Clearly, I was wrong.

‘Let me try,’ Baniti suggested.

I had nothing else to lose, except my mate…and I was pretty confident I had lost her all on my own. Dropping back behind her step, I stripped down as fast as I could, stuffing my clothes back into the backpack. Letting the shift take over, my wolf grabbed up our bag and bolted to catch up with our mate. Baniti had control of our wolf form and softly rubbed our snout into her hand dangling by her side. She flinched away at the contact, making him whimper quietly and our ears flattened back. Her eyes trailed over our face, squinting, figuring out who was behind the steering wheel, so to speak.

Reaching up, she ran her hands under our jaw and up to our ears, rolling them around her fingers.

“It’s not you I’m angry with. It’s your dumb human,” she leant her head down to us. I internally sighed at the gesture, even if my heart clamped in a vice because it wasn’t me that the intimate embrace was intended for.

‘Phew, that’s a relief,’ Baniti exhaled, as though all was right in the world.

‘No it isn’t!’

‘Is for me,’ and I could feel him wanting to raise his nose in the air to snub me.

Great, just great. Even my wolf was a peg ahead of me. At this rate, Finley would have a better shot!

‘I think we just found your problem,’ Baniti cut through my escalating thoughts.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Our brother is so right about you. You’re clueless…’

When, in the ever-living f**k, did my wolf become so cryptic? If he was so smart, why didn’t he walk me through this great epiphany I was supposed to have?

We were approaching the main pack house and Evie was headed to the live-in quarters where most of the staff resided. Debating whether I should follow, Baniti took the risk and tried to follow. She stopped before we exited the treeline, turning her head briefly without looking directly at us.

“I’m going alone,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

We sat, watching her figure leave and vanish inside. Both my wolf and I released a final whimper, picking up our bag to go home. I shifted as I approached our private main door, stepping into a pair of pants and went straight to my bedroom to be alone. How had this day gone so wrong? Why did I keep

sabotaging myself every time I was presented a chance to tell her how I felt? I sunk to my floor, inhaling lungfuls of air that Evie’s scent still clung to. Back here once more, after a grand total of three days. I had made a promise that I wouldn’t squander the chance she had given me and I pissed it away with one single sentence I word-vomited out.

My door squeaked open and clicked closed, his presence only churned the guilt in my stomach. Had I killed his chances as well?

“You’re in your despair pit again,” Astennu finally spoke. “Wow, you really must’ve f****d up.”

He squatted down next to me and slid to a sitting position, leaning back on the wall.

“What happened? And don’t say ‘nothing’. I felt all of it,” he poked me in the head with his foot.

I had mind-linked him as we trekked to the hot springs to let him know things might get a little ‘twitchy’. He would have felt the exact moment when it all changed.

“I said something stupid…”

He exhaled loudly and I just knew he was wanting to tell me ‘how surprised he was’. I could feel the words in his mouth. He may as well have mind-linked me for how strongly I sensed it.

“What did you say, exactly?” He settled for.

I repeated the whole event. We kept nothing from each other and I knew I could talk to him about more intimate details.

“You’re pissing off all the women today. Do you hear yourself, as you say these words, ever?”

“I don’t need telling I made it worse. I’m aware this time,” I wiped my hand down my face in frustration with myself.

“As the experienced one, should I grab a pen and paper, and take notes from you?” He tried to joke, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Stop, ok?!” I snapped, sitting bolt upright. “I f****d up, yet again, I get it.”

My chest tightened and my voice felt trapped, locked behind a lump in my throat.

“Ru…”

“Don’t, our mate hates me, but likes you. I’m just f*****g this up for the both of us,” I hung my head.

I had always been fine with reacting in the moment. Act first, think later was always my credo; for better, for worse. But around her, I panic. What sounded fine in my head, came out all wrong, constantly.

“I’m desperate for it to work with Evie, like it does between the two of you.”

“You really are jealous, aren’t you?” My twin leant forward, resting his arms on his knees. “This isn’t just because she and I kissed first.”

“I know we’re meant to be equals and we’ve always been that way… but sometimes… I don’t feel good enough to measure up to you,” I confessed. Even though Astennu was only six minutes older, I still looked up to him. “You’re way better at planning, and the paperwork side of things. You would’ve had all my work done yesterday in half the time.”

“I’m jealous of you sometimes, too,” he interrupted, making me turn his way, taken aback. “You’re better at overseeing training than I am. And when we were telling our dad about Evie being our ‘assistant’, you didn’t hesitate and had an answer straight away, one that was very much true.”

“What did I say yesterday?” He reminded me. “This isn’t a race or a competition between us. Stop trying to overcompensate for something that doesn’t need compensating.”

His words resonated deep within my head. Was I really insecure? The mate bond, providing it was accepted, was meant to bring out the best in the other. What I had shown today wasn’t my best in any shape or form. Perhaps this was what I needed. How could I show her my best if I was unconsciously focused on what I lacked?

“Has someone had a breakthrough?” My brother nudged my side with the tip of his toe, making me jerk and flinch, much to his delight. He knew how ticklish I was.

“You do that again, I’ll put you in a headlock!” I threatened. One thing I knew I had over him; in training, he always struggled to escape my holds.

“So, supreme king, how’re you gonna fix this?”

I shrugged, not having the first clue. ‘Talking’ was obviously the first step. It was how to open the door to the first step where I drew the blank.

‘Food,’ my wolf stated simply.

‘It’ll take more than that,’ I furrowed my brows. Although, it might open that metaphorical door.

‘We’re wolves, food is one of our biggest motivations. We could hunt down some large game and bring it to her, just to show her that we can provide as a good mate.’

‘Fine, we’ll cook, though. I’m not bringing a deer carcass to her front door. Even I have the foresight to know that that will end in tears.’

“Do you still remember how to make that cheat pizza dough?” I asked Astennu with a loose idea in mind.

Astennu

I could’ve slapped him. I thought about it, repeatedly. While it would make me feel better, it wouldn’t help Badru. That patience of mine was being tested and stretched to its limits.

I had sensed the very second everything had gone to s**t for my brother. Trying to work through the most intense erection I had ever had, the feelings of arousal from both my twin and my mate, had been tricky. And thankfully, I had been alone, having already finished up working with my father when he returned home. I loved my bond with my twin, we were closer than any other wolves. Only identical multiples, like us, knew how truly special the bond was. But, f**k, I wish there was an off switch at times.

We put the finishing touches on the simple pizzas. They were nothing spectacular, but I hoped my brother’s gesture of homemade food would put him in our mate’s good graces.

The front door opened and softly closed, our mother’s scent preceded her before she appeared in the kitchen with our father close behind.

“Hello my ahibbaa (darlings),” she insisted on kissing us both on the cheek, looking over the food we were covering with foil. “Are you making us all dinner?”

“We were gonna take these and hang out with a friend or something,” I tried to make our excuses. “We can make you one if you want?”

“Oh, Catalina? Are you giving her a chance,” she beamed brightly.

‘Mom is never gonna stop pushing that, is she?’ Aasim groaned. ‘I swear, the sooner Evie feels secure about us, the better.’

“Sure…” Badru answered through slightly gritted teeth.

I shot him a surprised look that he would play along.

‘What?’ He mind-linked. ‘It’s not a lie. I am giving her a chance: not to screw over our mate.’

“I’m so happy for you,” our mother practically clapped. “She’s such a lovely future Luna, I can just see it now.”

I thought my brother was about to implode, given how red his neck grew. Our dad hadn’t noticed anything other than our mom, laughing at her outburst and wrapped his arm around her waist from behind.

“Give them some breathing room,” he leant down to nuzzle into her neck. “You’ll have enough time to fuss over them later.”

Both Badru and I glanced towards each other, suspiciously. What precisely did that mean, later?

“What are you both doing tomorrow?” She asked out of nowhere in a nonchalant tone, only fueling our suspicions.

“Going to see Elan. He’s back from his honeymoon and we’re gonna go over some details and finances,” I shot back, my eyes narrowed because I knew she was up to something.

Our future Delta was back home and I had finally managed to convince my father this morning to grant me access to some of our financial records. He was maintaining his reluctant stance on letting an ‘outsider of the pack’, as he called it, pore over any of our information.

“Humph. So you are still determined with the Delta wiccan then?”

“Dad, don’t start again,” Badru immediately warned. We were not about to rehash this argument now.

“Will you be gone all day?” Our mother ignored our dad’s grumblings. She had to be angling for a reason.

“Only in the morning, we should be back by early afternoon.” And by ‘we’, I was hoping Evie would be joining us.

“Oh, good,” she hummed, smiling to herself.

‘What is she planning?’ I mind-linked our dad.

‘Nothing, don’t you worry.’

‘I’m worried,’ Aasim muttered. ‘Very worried.’

Evie

“That i***t!” Tamlyn exclaimed, slapping her hand down on the table. “He had the home run and the dumb f**k fumbled. This, right here, is why I’m a lesbian.”

“Sure, because I’ve got nothing to do with it in any way,” Suzanna rolled her eyes.

“I think I’m just going to go to bed,” I sighed. All the appetite I had, evaporated as I regaled the girls of my day.

“Don’t you want dinner first?” Lucy held out one of the serving dishes.

“At least have a few glasses with us,” Catalina shimmied one of the bottles. “Complaining about men and drinking vino go hand in hand. It’s where the best advice comes from, and also some of the worst. It’s Russian roulette really.”

I shook my head ‘no’ and wished them all a goodnight. They had talked me into coming with them to Catalina’s room for a private dinner, all of us together, but I knew they were after the dirty details of my day with Badru. Only, the details came with a huge side of steaming fuck-up on his part.

My excuse for leaving dinner wasn’t just that I wasn’t particularly hungry. For some reason, my room felt like the right place to be.

I flipped through films on my phone to watch, wanting a distraction and enjoying not needing to wrap myself in a million blankets in my presently heated bedroom. My distraction was short-lived; none of the movies held any appeal and Badru’s silver hoodie stared at me from the base of my bed. Astennu’s t- shirt engulfed my body, wrapping me in its sweet tree sap aroma and it was begging me for its twin’s. I picked up the hoodie, inhaling Badru’s freshly grated spice scent, feeling every resolve begin to crumble. Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

‘You had better not go caving. I want my Alpha sandwich too. As it stands currently, we’re down a slice,’ Evva grumbled, the disappointment evident in her tone.

My heart picked up pace rapidly and the pleasant tingling down my spine cut off any further protests of my wolf. These sensations could only mean one thing, or two things, in my case. My mates were approaching. I stared at my door, waiting for the knock on its surface.

I leapt out of my skin when I heard the knock come from behind me, a rattle at my window. I yanked my curtains open to see two sets of identical sapphires staring at me through the darkness.

“Are windows the method of choice today?” I hissed, sliding it open. “What was wrong with the door?”

“We could see whether your light was on or not,” Astennu reasoned.

“What would you have done if I wasn’t here?”

“Broke in and waited for you,” Badru tried to give me a sheepish smile that I did everything in my willpower to ignore.

“And this way meant you’d have to stare at our sad faces if you didn’t let us in,” the insanely cute goober pouted.

“There’s only one of you I’m angry with,” I glared at the perpetrator, who kept silent and shamefaced.

“Can we come in? We brought pizza,” Astennu jingled the foil-covered items in his hands.

They had to bring my weakness and stir my hunger, and I wasn’t necessarily speaking of the pizza. The scent of dough, melted cheese and spicy meat wafted in through the open window, flipping my stomach, along with the mix of an exotic forest flipping other areas.

“Get in,” I relented, stepping back to allow Astennu to climb through.

“Am I allowed?” Badru gave me his sad puppy look, shifting to his wolf in an instant and ripping through his clothes. ‘Or do I need to sleep outside?’

He rested his chin on the sill, his ears back, continuing with his sparkly blue puppy eyes.

“Are you using your wolf form because he’s cuter and I’m more likely to forgive you?”

‘Yes?’

“He made you the pizza,” the other one piled on. I was starting to hate having twin mates, they outnumbered me. “It’s not a proper bread base because neither of us had time. It’s still really good though.”

“Fine,” I huffed, snatching the foil-covered slices out of Astennu’s hands.

Badru jumped in and his brother closed the window behind him. I opened the covered pizza in irritation, sitting crossed-legged on my bed and stuffed one of the thin cuts of pepperoni in my mouth.

“Oh, goddess, this is good,” I melted at the taste.

“Aren’t you gonna shift back?” I swallowed my food, staring at the huge black wolf sitting on his haunches, his tail agitating behind him.

‘I just ripped through my clothes. Unless you want my dicking swinging around, do you have a pair of pants I can borrow?’

‘If you fit into my pants, I will die!’ I threw a blanket at him and shoved the rest of my pizza slice in my mouth. ‘Wrap that around you.’

I fished out the sweatpants that had gone with the t-shirt Astennu had given me, when I had breakfast unceremoniously dumped on me, and shoved them rather forcefully at the half-naked wolf male. His bare chest reminded me of what we shared today, heating my cheeks. His guilty face also reminded me of why I was pissed off.

“Do you really get why you upset me?” I finally asked when we were done eating.

Badru

I thought it was because my words implied I was treating her as a competition, but that wasn’t it. Or it wasn’t all.

‘Think Ru,’ Astennu mind-linked. ‘Why did it make her upset? Like when you called her a rogue,’ and I could tell he wanted to growl at me for it still. ‘Why did it upset her most coming from you, specifically?’

… Because I was meant to be different from others. Everyone had treated her as an object or a status her whole life. I was supposed to be better… I had promised her I would be and, at my first test, I had failed. I treated her like an object because I was so preoccupied with trying to catch up to my twin, my twin who was my equal, the same as my Luna. I had completely lost sight of what was most important,

that our mate felt secure with us. Her self-esteem was already low, no matter how much she tried to hide it, and all I had done was gut punch it lower.

I inhaled a deep breath with the realisation of my stupidity.

“There it is,” my twin slapped me, playfully, up the back of my head.

“Any chance you’d be willing to give me another second chance?” I hesitantly opened my arms, praying she would accept both my embrace and my apology.

“I suppose,” she gazed at me, chewing her bottom lip in deliberation.

Astennu moved first, slowly kneeling behind her and sliding his hands around her hips, lightly trailing his nose behind her ear. I began to think she would keep me hanging, when she suddenly reached out and pulled my open arms towards her. I didn’t hesitate to wrap her up against my chest, nuzzling into the opposite side of her neck.

“I should have never said what I did to you, I get it now,” I whispered into her ear. ‘Especially when there’s more productive things I could’ve done with my mouth,’ I pulled away, flashing her a cheeky hopeful smirk.

She blushed profusely and looked away, trying to hide a little smile. There was little doubt in my mind she would have told me to slow down at the hot springs. My hand slid down her arm to take her hand, “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“Are you going to be asking for it again in the near future?” She raised her brow.

“I probably shouldn’t promise anything, but I’ll really try not to say something dumb again for at least a week,” I grinned.

“That’s more than I’ve ever gotten from him,” Astennu laughed at me, making me shove his shoulder.

“Can you promise me you’ll stop trying to be some stereotypical ‘hot and dominant’ guy, and just be you?” Evie struggled to keep a straight face and my twin burst out in laughter; traitor.

“I honestly have no clue whether I’m supposed to take that as a compliment or an insult.”

“You can take it however you want,” she continued to giggle at me.

“I don’t like it when you’re quiet with me,” I whispered, when a silence had settled over us.

I reached up, stroking her petal soft cheek. She placed her hand over mine, relaxing into my palm. I leant forward, drawn to her, my eyes hooded and lips parted, finding her irresistible to deny. I was shaken out of my magnetic trace by her hand slapping over my mouth.

“Are you serious?”

“I thought we were cool?” f**k, had I just messed up, again?!

“You really are a cute nugget when you’re stupid,” she shook her head.

Astennu

By some miracle of fate, Evie had let us sleep in her room for the night and alongside her. Badru had fallen asleep almost immediately, exhausted by the excavations he made to his pit he perpetually dug. He had learnt from his mistakes far faster today than he would normally, our mate making the ultimate catalyst.

I hugged her figure close to my front, inhaling her sweet and heady scent. Her finger gently ran through Badru’s hair, pushing it from his forehead where he lay snuggled in her chest, a small dopey grin plastered on his face. I was still in debate whether he had gotten incredibly lucky today or not. Either way, I hoped this slip-up of his would be the turning point.

‘I know I defend him a lot, but I think he has some confidence issues that even he didn’t know he was struggling with,’ I revealed.

Normally, I didn’t repeat conversations we had in private. However, Evie needed to know.

‘What do you mean?’

‘He keeps focusing on what he lacks and where I’m excelling. It’s making him think he’s inadequate,’ I glanced at my sleeping brother, hating that all this time he only saw his limitations. ‘That’s why he’s saying increasingly dumb things, thinking that will make up for this shortfall he’s invented.’

I never wanted my twin to think he was ever in my shadow. It was never my word over his nor did I ever speak over him. I relied on him, we were a team, in all things. I wished I had seen this inferiority complex of his sooner, but I guess it was simmering beneath the surface. Until Evie dropped into our lives as our mate. She was more than a woman we simply wanted, she was exactly who we needed.